Week 29: 5th High Holy Day Recap

Related to Requirement: #8 – High Days Attended
Required Reading: None.

I'm behind again. Need to write up an essay on Integrity and the meaning of the holiday, but I'm honestly more focused on actual practice right now. I also still need to start the modern paganism book, but there are just so many more interesting things to read.

But I'm going to do this while I'm coming off the ritual high and then go play outside.

• how did the rite go in terms of structure? What things went wrong during the ritual? What things went right? 

This was originally supposed to be a Hellenic group ritual. Then the folks who were supposed to be leading had to drop out due to scheduling problems and asked me to take over. So... Norse group ritual. And then neither of us actually had the energy to have ritual last night, so it became Norse solitary. Just a few changes.

I should have spent more time working out the changes from group to solitary ritual. There were wording problems (plural pronouns) and things that the Grove does that I don't in my personal practice. Given that I spent all of 30 minutes or so working on that transition, I don't know why this surprises me.

But because this was originally created for a group, it was fully ADF. So there's that. I had everything because, ya know, checklists. Most of the actual problems I had were caused by poor formatting on the print out, not failure to foresee something.

• Who were the patrons of the rite, and who was the gatekeeper?

 Gatekeeper: Heimdall
Earth Mother: Jord
Patron: Freyr
Outdwellers: Syn
Special Thanks: Eir

• Did you have problems with saying the words without stumbling, or did everything come out smoothly? Did you forget to bring a sacrifice? 

I had trouble remembering anything without the script, but everything came out smoothly as long as that was available. The only trouble I had with sacrifices was discovering I'm out of silver tokens for the well. So I had to come up with a different offering for the well (pearls) before I got started. But there wasn't any scrambling during the ritual.

• Were you alone, or with a group? If you were with a group, did you say anything or do anything? 

Yay being half-solitary and half-grove. 2nd time in a row I was solitary. But it wasn't as comfortable this time. Not sure if it's because of the time of day or the mental expectation for others to be around and there weren't.

• how did the rite go in terms of function and feeling? Did you feel anything during the ritual? Did you experience doubt or confidence? Can you describe what happened? 

This one was pretty straight forward. Come in, do the business, and leave. I felt a few glimmers of attachment during the Two Powers, but not much. I really do need to get better at that. I doubt my abilities as a liturgist. I doubt my suitability for this path. I doubt everything right now. But the only way I can get better is to push through and keep going. Fumbling for the script, managing to completely forget that August 1 is a holiday and maybe I should put thought into things a couple weeks before hand... not really confidence building. But it'll get better as the cycle of holidays becomes more ingrained in my psyche.

• What omens were drawn (if any), and what did they tell you? 

Nothing terribly helpful.

Ancestors:  sowilo. the sun. success, victory.

Nature Spirits:  Laguz. lake/leeks. go with the flow. still waters run deep. don't fight what isn't in your control.

Divine Ones:  elwaz. elk. communication and the dangers associated with it.

• Could you feel the presence of any deities, spirits, or powers? What else about the rite struck you, or do you want to share?

Mostly, I feel like I've had rites go worse, but normally, I also get an emotional link if I'm doing by myself. But hey, I got my cat blessed. Its a start.

Week 23: 4th High Holy Day Recap

Related to Requirement: #8 – High Days Attended
Required Reading: None.

• how did the rite go in terms of structure? What things went wrong during the ritual? What things went right? 

For whatever reason, we didn't have a grove ritual for the solstice. So I was writing my own ritual. I stuck with the basic core order of ritual that we normally use, and just adopted parts from other rituals that worked well or that I liked.

Nothing really went wrong, but I was planning on having the ritual outside. Then a thunderstorm came through, soaking the wood pile. And a second storm rolled through right at dusk when I was getting ready to start. So outside was a no go.

My altar is kinda small, which is why I was wanting to do the ritual outside: more space to hold offerings. Moving inside meant that I needed to suddenly clear a space near my altar to hold the sacrifices. Ended up just clearing off the top of my dresser and moving things to the altar in sets as they were needed. Stacking coffee cups work really well for holding sacrifices.

Overall, I'm really happy with how things turned out. I should have practiced more some of the pronunciations (Skidbladnir and Sessrumnir are both pretty hard to pronounce when you're trying to say them aloud for the first time). But the worst things that happened were some stuttered pronunciation and being inside instead of outside. There are so totally worse ways this could have gone.

• Who were the patrons of the rite, and who was the gatekeeper? 

Gatekeeper: Heimdall

Earth Mother: Jörd

Deity of the Occasion: Freyr and Freyja

• Did you have problems with saying the words without stumbling, or did everything come out smoothly? Did you forget to bring a sacrifice? 

I need to start practicing the kennings before ritual. Pronunciation always trips me up. There were parts where I couldn't find my cadence, but that's mostly just a practice thing I think. I remembered sacrifices for everyone (not always what I would have chosen, but the last minute change of location meant some things had to be swapped from  things to toss in a fire to things that can be added to a candle flame). Upon further reflection, I'm not sure a (cherry) tomato was the best offering to Freyr, however, it seemed right when I was doing my planning.

• Were you alone, or with a group? If you were with a group, did you say anything or do anything? How did the rite go in terms of function and feeling?

I was solitary for this rite. And actually, I liked it better. I need to work on my two powers meditation, but it's just a practice thing. Being able to move at my own pace, to slow down when I felt like it needed it, being able to re-affirm my connection with the powers mid-ritual when I slipped... it felt much more relaxing and worshipful than the group rituals do. 

• Did you feel anything during the ritual? Did you experience doubt or confidence? Can you describe what happened? 

I'm not sure that comfortable is the right word, but something with those connotations. I wrote it (or at least, assembled it. I need to go add citations to my record of ritual), I performed it, and there was very little outside of my control that I could control. Even the tripping and stuttering wasn't too bad and didn't shake the feeling that this was right. 

I actually felt connected to the Kindreds. I might even be feeling my way towards a relationship with Freyja. It wasn't anything that ecstatic trance or anything, but I felt like my words were being heard and acknowledged. The land spirits really liked the sacrifice of maple syrup, milk, and dark bread.  I'm pretty sure Syn appreciated the wine. 

Maybe I'm one of those folks who needs to be solitary by choice. Although I do like the volunteer work etc that is happening with the grove.

• What omens were drawn (if any), and what did they tell you? 

I used runes, as is my wont. Over all, the impression I got was if I put in the effort, I will be rewarded with good health.

Ancestors:  Uraz. The wild auroch/ ox. Good health, strength
Spirits:  Ingaz. The ingot. Potential. With work, something valuable.
Gods:  Ansuz. The spoken word.

• What else about the rite struck you, or do you want to share? 

I liked this so much better than group ritual. Even though I was completely exhausted when done, it was everything I wanted out of ritual. I need to do this more often.

Week 19: The Dedicant Oath: First Thoughts

Related to Requirement:
#11 – Dedicant Oath and Rite
Required Reading:

• Our Own Druidry, p. 129 – 130 (The Dedicant's Oath) 

Optional Reading:

• Rev. Michael J Dangler's Dedicant Oath
• Raven Mann's Dedicant Oath

I'm not real sure how I feel about this weeks assignment. Not because its hard, but because it seems to be aimed at folks who have a patron. I don't. My main concern about writing the oath is phrasing (oaths are a HUGE DEAL) and making sure I have room to move on from ADF if I feel the need in the future.

I'm rather crap at writing ritual/ liturgy. So the rite is going to take me a long time to write and I rather imagine that the oath itself will take me longer still. I should probably start it now, but the summer is always so busy. 

Things I know are going to be important:

9 noble virtues

Norse pantheon

ancestors

I have held to the Norse gods since before I fully knew paganism. And they were the first pantheon I turned to after leaving christianity behind. I'm sure part of this is having read Tolkien too young, however, this fits. The Norse were ok with strong women leading, fighting, loving. I may be pretty domestic, but I also love and lead.

There are a number of reasons to not pursue a more re-constructionist path, but mostly its because I have no use for racists or gender fundamentalists and refuse to be categorized with them. There are other neo-pagan groups that I might find my path leading to at some point. But it's not leading there right now and I'm ok with that. I have a good group here with a secure mix of group and solitary work.

I guess this is mostly turning into musings on why I'm doing ADF instead of reconstruction and why Norse. And the reasons for why ADF haven't changed. I'm utterly put off by the public vocal face of the reconstructionist movement and I'm pretty against killing things, even for ritual purposes (which gets into a whole other level of moral obligation that I've been struggling with for years). And, I don't see the need to be more hardcore about my religion than I am about anything else in my life. Also, the local recon group and I don't get on. Because I'm not hardcore enough.

Week 17: 3rd High Holy Day Recap

Related to Requirement: #8 – High Days Attended 

Required Reading: None. 

I obviously need to still do week 16, the essay about the holiday, however, this one is a lot easier to do at work.

• How did the rite go in terms of structure? What things went wrong during the ritual? What things went right? 

While writing the ritual, I kept to the Grove's basic outline of ritual. So everything required for an ADF ritual was present. I am a crappy liturgist. I didn't practice nearly enough, or even read some parts out loud while writing them, so the rhythm was stupid and awful. But for all that, things went ok. It wasn't the most elegant ritual we've done, but we also weren't struck by lightning or set on fire.

• Who were the patrons of the rite, and who was the gatekeeper? 

Earthmother: Jord

Gatekeeper: Heimdall

Patron: Freya

• Did you have problems with saying the words without stumbling, or did everything come out smoothly? Did you forget to bring a sacrifice? 

Most of the speaking problems would have been solved by me reading things aloud and fixing the rhythm before we started ritual. One of the good parts of the Marvel movies being so popular is that folks know how to pronounce most of the major Gods in the Norse pantheon. The only one we had trouble with was Jord and that's just due to Germanic vs Spanish pronunciations. 

I remembered all the sacrifices... but we failed to remember cups or other forms of holder for them. So the liquid offerings were all held in a number of different (inappropriate) containers: a dice set box; a reusable cup from my favorite bar, my faire mug that I only had because it was attached to my belt... There are worse problems to have, but it was pretty embarrassing. The grain just got left in its ziplock bag, the incense and strawberries hung out on the table.

• Were you alone, or with a group? If you were with a group, did you say anything or do anything? 

As woefully under-prepared as I was... I led. So I did most of the speaking. I need to get better at both public speaking (SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!) and blessing things. 

• How did the rite go in terms of function and feeling? 

I think we adequately expressed our excitement that spring is finally here and summer is within sighting distance? I don't feel like we insulted anyone (and I included an extra sacrifice in case we did). It did feel rushed and awkward. I'm not sure if that's because I wrote it (maybe everyone thinks ritual they've written feels awkward?) or if it really was awkward as all get out.

• Did you feel anything during the ritual? Could you feel the presence of any deities, spirits, or powers? Did you experience doubt or confidence? Can you describe what happened? 

Group ritual is about the worst way for me to feel connected to anything. I can get through the Two Powers meditation, feel nice and connected... and then that disappears over the course of the ritual. Part of that is I'm spending as much time anticipating what needs to happen next as I do on the actual ritual. This time, the wind was a serious hindrance, kept blowing the ritual/ script around. I actually felt more connected as I was writing it than while I was performing it.

I try to do a second rite by myself within a couple of days of the holiday in an effort to actually feel connected to something, but there was just no chance of that happening this time. Last week was just too busy.

• If you were with a group, what did the other people say about what happened? 

No one said anything. Which my brain interprets as a sign that I failed miserably. But the folks who were there also don't generally discuss the ritual in specific terms afterwards. The 3 of us who are working on our DP do that... but the other two weren't there.

• What omens were drawn (if any), and what did they tell you?  

Ancestors:  Wunjo. The ancestors bring us joy and love.

Spirits:  Thuraz. The spirits bring us both the thorn in the path and the beauty of the rose. The thorn is both hazard to caution and protection against forces that wish us harm.

Deities:  Othala. The Gods bring us our inheritance and the joy of it. We are linked to our past and our future

• What else about the rite struck you, or do you want to share?

I did a shite job at organizing this. I should have practiced more and let other people know what assistance I needed from them. It wasn't a disaster, but it felt like one.

Weeks 13-16 Gah. I'm so far behind!

Well, somehow, I went from being about half a week behind to being 4 weeks behind. Not sure how that happened, but it means I have a lot of catch up work to do this week.

Week 13: finish wisdom exercises and write essay-- DONE
week 14: altar changes and write up-- DONE
week 15: piety exercises and essay-- DONE
week 16: 3rd high holy day essay

So yeah. Lots of stuff to get to. And it's a busy week on top of all that: in addition to my normal social activities (Tuesday), the Grove is volunteering at the local soup kitchen on Thursday, we have ritual on Friday, and Earth Day and Druid Moon on Sunday. And somewhere in there, I need to watch my shows and a movie I've borrowed from a friend, bake things for ritual and druid moon, and sleep. I love being busy. It's great.

So yeah, expect updates this week. lots and lots of updates.

Week 13: Nine Virtues: Wisdom

Related to Requirement: #1 – Nine Virtues
Required Reading:

• Our Own Druidry, p. 15 (Virtue, Piety and Study); 
• Our Own Druidry, 85-90 (Lore and Essays) 

Suggested Reading:

• A Virtuous Life Nine Virtues study guide

But first, recap of last week since I didn't get anything up.

Some how I got ahead of the group, so I had a bye week last week. I used the time to create a set of rune staves and to spend lots of time outside (to the dismay of my sunburnt ears and nose). I also finally got the Beltane ritual written.

I'm really happy with how the rune staves turned out, even if this is just meant to be a temporary set until I can get better wood working skills. Also, I probably shouldn't have started them just before lunch as I was starving by the end since it took a good 2 hours. I'm not sure how true they read, but since I'm really bad at interpretation anyway, I think it'll probably be ok. I have switched from iPod divination to drawing a rune instead during my devotional. Its practice and that is needed.

Mom requested a new retaining wall and a trip to the zoo for her birthday. So I spent most of Friday and Saturday outside, working and walking. Walnuts hurt to have jammed into your knees and penguins and polar bears are pretty cool (pun not intended). Sunday was spent inside helping Grandma around the house, which was not really how I wanted to spend it... but it needed to be done and I was the one available. And it wasn't too bad this time: just moving heavy stuff she can't manage and some computer stuff.

Writing the ritual was more of a thing than I was expecting it to be. I'm not sure if I was just blocked or if I'm a horrible litergist. Or both. At any rate, after combing through... several... books, every non-shitty website I could find, and a couple shitty websites that at least weren't racist, I finally got enough information to write this. I really need to find reliable sources of information. I have more research and information on exactly how the pleating was done on viking apron dresses than I have on what the appropriate deities are for different holidays. I'm going to publish at least the parts of it that I wrote after Beltane so other folks have a bit of an easier time. At any rate, ritual is written and sent off for editing.

Week 12: Ancestors, proper write-up

The proper write up from last week. Since I didn't get it done over the weekend and I'm apparently a week ahead of the study group, so I actually have a bit of time.

Since my practice prior to this hasn't really included the Ancestors in a personal sense, I started with an Invocation. I partially combined the Invocation from the Dedicant Manual and one of the Invocations on the ADF website. I added some other things because they felt right (offerings to the Earth Mother and Heimdall).

As an invitation to the Ancestors, I offered some rosemary (for remembrance) and lavender oil (for calm). The Earth Mother and Heimdall both got a libation of hard cider.

After I finished the Invocation, it really felt like I had folks just yelling at me, "name me! I'm at this party!" For the most part, this was fine, even if they are all folk I would consider to be blood family. I'm fortunate in that there are very few people in my family who I would invite or who would show up at an open invitation. However, my (blood) grandfather did show up. I would not have invited him if at all possible. At the advice of the Grove, I think I'm going to commune/ talk with his first wife (my grandmother) and mother-in-law. See if they can't corral him.

I suppose I probably didn't need to put forth an open call, however, not putting forth an open call would have meant that relatives I didn't think about didn't show up. One of those cases where having a very small family is not the best thing ever. Relatives who were dead before I was born (in 1 case, before my parents were born) want to be acknowledged.

I need to put together a box of remembrances for those whose influence is most especially felt in my life. Crochet hooks and knitting needles for Grandma T and G-Grandmas L and H, maybe a bit of yarn or a quilt block. Grandpa K was always proud of his teaching career and cooking. Grandpa B gets a golf ball. The thing that springs to mind for P is a car, but that might also just be my sick sense of humor. Ora and Lillian also wanted attention, but I didn't get the sense they wanted to be constantly thought of?

I need to put in more work. I know who wants attention now, so I need to give it to them.

Week 10: Second High Holy Day Recap

Related to Requirement: #8 – High Days Attended
Required Reading: None.

• How did the rite go in terms of structure? 
• We followed the ADF core order of ritual, with added offering to the outsiders (or rather, the God who watches that boundary).
• What things went wrong during the ritual? What things went right? 
• We had a lot of trouble with pronouncing names.  No one in our grove keeps a Slavic hearth, so Amber did a lot of research and came up with the most appropriate ritual she could. However, none of her sources included an english pronunciation guide. We met before ritual and came up with a workable pronunciation for each god, as that was the best we could do. There was also no water at the shelter we were at, which we should have anticipated, but failed to do. However, there was water at a different shelter, it was just a bit of a hike to get to it.
• Nothing was forgotten, it wasn't freezing, We're starting to get pretty practiced at this whole thing. Set up went pretty quick, despite the wind, and take down was even faster.
• Who were the patrons of the rite, and who was the gatekeeper? 
• Patron: Jarilo
• Gatekeeper: Zorya
• EarthMother: Zeme
• Did you have problems with saying the words without stumbling, or did everything come out smoothly? Did you forget to bring a sacrifice? 
• Everything except the names came out pretty smoothly. I forgot to bring a sacrifice for the open offering section, but Amber brought incense for that purpose, so I was able to still do mine.
• Were you alone, or with a group? If you were with a group, did you say anything or do anything? 
• We were a group. The core 6 of us and a few others. I did the offering to the outsiders in an effort to get over my discomfort with them
• How did the rite go in terms of function and feeling? Did you feel anything during the ritual? Did you experience doubt or confidence? 
• I think it went pretty well. I didn't really feel any connection with the deities, but then I never do in group ritual. I did feel like my ancestors were present, or at least a couple of them. I'm getting more comfortable with this every time.
• Can you describe what happened? If you were with a group, what did the other people say about what happened? 
• We didn't really talk about the ritual afterwards, we were all pretty hungry and chatty. So I don't know how they felt. I don't think I'm settling into the two powers enough. I didn't feel very connected to the group mind. But i was pretty relaxed and as close to trance I can get.
• What omens were drawn (if any), and what did they tell you? 
• We drew Ogham
• Ancestors: Muin. Love, esteem, love doesn't always look like love. The honored dead have blessed us with their true faces
• Nature spirits: Idad. Age, older than comprehension, plants, animals, ourselves all die. Don't pet the squirrels. We can learn from age; wisdom from experience.
• Deities: Straif. Transformation is the essence of life; change to move forward. We have the choice to live and move forward.
• Could you feel the presence of any deities, spirits, or powers? 
• It felt like Grandma Treva and Great-Grandma Helen were around. I miss Grandma Treva. A lot.
• What else about the rite struck you, or do you want to share? 
• The similarities to the King Arthur story are interesting. Sacred twins/ spouses aren't uncommon, but at least this one has Morena getting her vengeance. I don't' feel any call to Slavic, but I totally understand why people do.

Week 8: Meditation and Mental Training

Related to Requirement: #6 – Mental Training
Required Reading:

• Our Own Druidry, p. 93 - 99 (Druid Mental Training) 

Optional Resources:

• Meditation for the Type A Personality by Jenni Hunt
• Basic Meditation by Brenda Stumpp
• "Letting the World Slip Away" by Ladytoad
• "Laughing Meditation" by Brandon Newberg
• "An Anywhere Devotional" by Brandon Newberg
• "Dual Trad Daily Devotionals" by Tanrinia
• Sacred Fire, Holy Well by Ian Corrigan, p. 71-81;
• Training the Mind: Techniques of Trance and Meditation CD by Ian Corrigan;
• The Solitary Druid by Rev. Skip Ellison, p. 40-45

Personal Choices:

• A Short Devotional Rite
• A Daily Morning Bathroom Devotional and Meditation
• A Morning Devotional
• An ADF Nine Virtues Bead Devotional
• Mindful Knitting: Inviting Contemplative Practice to the Craft by Tara Jon Manning

I've been expecting this to be a hard part of working on DP, and so far, I'm not seeing anything that changes my mind about that.

I do think switching back and forth between the Anywhere Devotional and meditation will work well for me. Well, as long as i can resist setting my house on fire.  However, the second go run through Saturday morning was much better than the one last Wednesday.  So it might just take practice.

I'm investigating a new (to me?) form of divination for the devotionals.  I'm not looking to replace the more traditional forms of Rune or Ogham reading, however, those are both a bit more than I can manage on short notice.  Particularly since I don't have a good set of runes made up yet.  I'm keeping those for formal occasions and will switch over to runes more often when I have a set made up.

Somewhere, I read about iPod (or music?) divination. Essentially, when you reach the part of your rite where you would normally do your standard divination technique, you put your mp3 player/ full library/ iPod/ phone/ whatever you listen to music on and have handy on full random and the first song that plays is your answer.  In my head, while this is easier to cheat/ force the answer you  want (you do get to choose what songs are available), you can do that with runes/ ogham/ tarot too.  Anymore, your phone is going to be as closely attuned to you as any tarot deck.  Most people (certainly I) have my phone with me at all times, normally in my pocket. At any rate, this works for me for right now and is likely to be more convenient in the mornings.

I am going to put together a string of prayer beads. Or rather, a physical representation of the Core Order of Ritual so I have an easier time keeping track of where I am. I know what i want to use for Earth Mother, Gatekeeper, and Noble Ones, I just need to find beads that both visually and texturally represent the other beings and steps.  I have a feeling this is just going to involve wandering into a beading store and seeing what i can find.

------------------------------------

The weather is finally turning nice enough that I can be outside without it hurting.  I like this A LOT. I've got a bunch of outside projects to do (like... setting the back fence back upright.) so I should be able to spend my assigned hour outside this week.  And probably for the next several months as well.

I had every intention of spending this last weekend working on my review for my IE book.  Instead, I went car shopping with my sister and her partner, antiquing with my parents, split a few bottles of wine with my best friends, lunch for Gma's birthday, and then watching my cat terrorizing my mom's chickens while discussing home improvements and which need to happen regardless of divorce settlement and which need to wait.  Not a whole lot of time to sit down and write.

I also still need to finish up the Maitag rite.  I know which deities go where I think, so now just the plug and chug part.  I should be able to get that done... this week?  Maybe?  I really wish March wasn't so busy. Because I also need to find a weekend to make runes before Maitag. 

I'm publishing this before I freakout more about time and not enough and plans.

Bye Week therefore Housekeeping

It's a bye-week for Wheel of the Year, so updates on continuing projects/ assignments/ whatever.

Indo-European Book Review:

So I read the Myth of Matriarchal Prehistory.  I have feels, bad ones.  Not because I disagree with Eller, but because the Matriarchal prehistory folks fail basic feminist thought and logic.  I have never wished so badly that an argument was a strawman. And it's not like I'm well known for my grasp on feminist theory.

My initial review is going to be far too long.  Once I've gotten it written, edited, and privilege checked, i'll post it.  Then I'll edit it down  for DP stuff.  Or, more likely, I'll write an abstract and use that.  

At any rate, it'll be up in a couple weeks probably.  Right now, I'm still in search of sources that back me up on how racist the theory is (I've already got sources on how sexist/ anti-feminist it is).  I love JSTOR and having friends who are in academia who will allow me to abuse them for access to articles.  I've already started the blog post for it twice and it's just not there yet.  So it'll be there when it's ready.  Also, I apparently need to re-memorize MLA since I'm out of practice.  There's been at least one update come out since I stopped using MLA for everything.

Shrine Update:

Luna has been very good about staying off my altar so far.  She nearly burnt herself while I was meditating with a candle lit on it Saturday morning, but figured out that it was hot before she got too close.

I think I'm going to pick up an air plant terrarium to use as my tree.  It's not appropriate for my hearth culture at all, but sometimes hearth culture needs to take a back seat to "something I can keep alive and wont' poison my cat." I might pick up another cedar branch to use if I feel the need (the cedars in my back yard had a couple of branches die over the fall/ winter, so I can harvest those).  And, the more cedar in my wool filled house the better.

Apparently, I decided this week was going to be the week I started my rune set.  Not sure that's actually going to happen, but I'll contemplate it.

Nature Awareness:

My awareness of nature right now comes down to "it's freaking cold.  Frozen got it's EGOT, Elsa, can you please end the endless winter now?"  And making chili and potato soup.  I'm essentially just hiding in my den, and, for the most part, feel no shame in that.

Per the Weather Channel, we're supposed to warm up to the mid-fifties by next weekend.  If that's true, I'll go tramp around in the woods Thursday afternoon.  I really want to go camping, but that's just not going to happen right now.

At any rate, I really need to get the initial write up from week 5 written.  

Holy Days:

I think I need to go re-work the initial Imbolc paragraph back in week 3.  I'm not sure it hits the word count and it's certainly incomplete.

Our spring equinox ritual is going to be Slavic.  I know nothing about slavic cultures other than what I learned in a history course 8 years ago and that didn't focus much on folklore, mythology, or even the pre-christian religion.  I do have a book of Russian folk tales. I should probably pull that out and skim through it just so I have something resembling a base.

May 1/ Beltane is the Norse ritual that I'm creating.  Assuming we're focusing on the fertility aspects and not the German ancestor aspects, GateKeeper will be Heimdall on the Bifrost, DoO will probably be Frey.  I'll have to poke around some more to find the appropriate Earth Mother, nothing is sticking out at me as I thumb through my books. I'm also probably overthinking the ritual itself and need to NOT reinvent the wheel.

Library:

Not really strictly part of my DP stuff, but is happening in conjunction with, and has mental health implications.  I've started the great book purge. I know Goodreads has a scan function to add books to your library.  I need to experiment with it to see if I can get it to tag every book I scan in at a session with "Book Purge" or something similar.  It's that or type everything into a spreadsheet on Google so folks can lay claim to anything they find interesting. None of this can go live until after the divorce is finalized of course.  And I'll probably run most of them through a book buyback to see if i can get any money for them before putting them up for grabs. But expect that to be coming shortly.  There's likely to be lots of art history and books on Martin Luther.

My goal is to clear enough space off my bookshelves that I can have one bookcase (one of the short ones) dedicated to Pagan Library stuff in my bedroom.  This will also give me some more space to spread my altar out if I feel the need.  Which I don't right now but *shrug*.  It'd be nice to have the option.

Meditation:

This is... not going as well as I would like.  I'm trying to average 5 times a week (gives me a couple days to be tired or busy without fretting about it), but I'm at best, averaging 2-3 times a week.  I'm contemplating just not moving my body clock with daylight saving's time next weekend, but I'm not sure how that will work. But I do need to come up with something.  

Unless I decide to bypass meditation and just do a daily devotion.  Which is a possibility.  I don't know.  It's something to think about at least.  The devotionals will also serve to get me more familiar with CoOR. Or maybe daily devotionals and meditation.  That might bridge the gap I'm feeling.  

I think I'll try doing either a devotional or meditation every day this week and next and see which one fits in with my life better.  I'll either pick one or continue doing both throughout the year.  This also means that it's less awkward to excuse myself for 30 minutes when I have company.  I can wait until they leave and even if I'm too tired to meditate, I can at least do a devotional.  Perhaps this is where I should start contemplating prayer beads.

Beltane Ritual Planning: Resources

This series of posts is mostly going to be for my own benefit.  Mostly a slightly more private place to stash links for writing the Maitag/ Walpurgisnacht ritual for May 1.

I realize that I'm over-thinking this and freaking out about what should be nothing.  But this is what I do.  So I'm just going to accept the whole type A personality thing about wanting plans and calendars, and ORGANIZATION.  I'm happier when things are organized, so... yeah.

• Existing ADF ritual for Maitag.  I understand the instinct to call upon gods in their native language (do gods have native languages?), but there's just too much German in this.  And it's set up for a Norse focused grove, not a pan-indo-european one.
• Solitary Fellowship Grove May 2013 ritual.  I'm not sure how useful this will be, but *shrug* i don't think it will be useless.  In fact, I'm pretty sure it will mostly be useful for my personal practice.  But more information is always better.

Heathenry festivals

• Asatru Alliance 
• Walburg: this is better known as Walpurgisnacht or May Eve. Walberg is a goddess of our folk combining some of the traits of Her better-known peers. Reflect on this day on Freya, Hel, and Frigga as the repository of the glorious dead, and you will have an idea of Wulburg?s nature. On this day pour a horn of mead upon the earth in memory of our heroes. 
• May Day: The first of May is a time of great celebration all across Europe, as the fields get greener and the flowers decorate the landscape with colorful confusion. Freya turns her kindly face to us after the night of Walburg. Celebrate the birth of Spring and the gifts of Freya on this day. 
• WizardRealm
• The festival of Walpurgis, a night both of revelry and darkness.  The nine nights of April 22 (interestingly enough, the modern festival of Earth Day) to April 30 are venerated as rememberance of the AllFather's self-sacrifice upon the World Tree Yggdrasil.  It was on the ninth night (April 30, Walpurgisnacht) that he beheld the Runes, grasped them, and ritually died for an instant.  At that moment, all the Light in the 9 worlds is extinguished, and utter Chaos reigns.  At the final stroke of midnight, the Light returns in dazzling brilliance, and the bale-fires are lit.  On Walpurgisnacht, the dead have full sway upon the earth; it is the ending night of the Wild Hunt.  May 1 is the festival of Thrimilci; the beginning of Summer.  Thrimilci is a festival of joy and fertility, much like Ostara; however, most of the Northern World is finally escaping from the snow at this time.
• Timeless Myths
• May Eve coincided with the later German Walpurgis' Night, because it marked the last day of winter. It is a German version of the Celtic Beltane's Eve (see Celtic Calendar). May Eve marked the last night that Odin hanged from Yggdrasill (the great cosmic Ash tree). Odin has a noose around his neck for nine nights, between April 22 and April 30, as a sacrifice to master the nine mighty rune spells. See Search For Wisdom. 
•  May Eve also marked the time when the spirit world roamed free on the earth's surface, while witchcraft and sorcery is the most potent at this time. After midnight, bonfires were lit to celebrate beginning of summer (May Day or May 1), which also marked the end of the Wild Hunt.
• According to Germanic and Scandinavian folklore, Walpurgis' Night marks the occasion of the witches' coven or revelry at Brocken on Harz mountains; one of the important sabbats in witches' calendar. The celebration was linked to Walpurgis or Walburga (AD 710-779), a Benedictine abbess and saint, whose feast day was held on February 25. She was sometimes confused with a pre-Christian fertility goddess named Waldborg, and also with Waluburg, a 2nd century Germanic seeress.

Food:
http://ribevikingecenter.dk/en/learn-more/food-solstice-feast.aspx
http://nvg.org.au/documents/other/vikingrecipes.pdf

Week 4: Holy Day Recap (Imbolc part 2)

Write up for the Imbolc ritual held 2/2/2014.  I'll turn this into a proper essay next week, when I'm less stressed about it.

From Ci:

Our omens for the rite were: 
Ancestors: Sail, or the Willow. The Ancient Ones are speaking, through the stream of time, and bless us with their wisdom if we are willing to listen.
Spirits: Onn, or Foundation and the Wheel. The Noble Ones bless us with stability and forward motion, and remind us that we are supported by the Earth even when the Earth itself trembles.
Deities: Coll and Iphin, or the Hazel and Honey. The Shining Ones bless us with the sweetness of life, and remind us that wisdom is not only found in adversity. Trust them and embrace the joy they offer.

From Magical Alphabets, by Nigel Pennick:

[Sail] is an ogham of linking, a watery symbolism which brings itself into harmony with the flow of events, most notably the phases of the moon... In divination, its power is greater at night than in the daytime, except when the moon is visible during the day.  Its power fluctuates with the cycle of the moon's phases... Esoterically, this eminent flexibility demonstrates [Sail]'s harmonious amenability to the conditions to which it is subjected. (page 134)

[Onn] is a plant which can be found in flower in almost every month of the year.  Thus it is an ogham of continuous fertility... Magically, [Onn] represents the collecting together and retaining of one's strength through adversity. (page 143) 

Coll... signifies the hazel tree...  In Viking times, hazel poles were used to delimit the sacred enclosures known as the hoslur, or hazeled field, in which formal combat took place.  Both in single combat, holmganga, and in full-scale formal battles between armies, the area for battle was distinguished from the normal world of everyday by hazel posts which formed a magical boundary around it. (page 137)

Book does not include Iphin (or at least, nothing that translates to Honey and nothing spelled anything approaching that). 

Write-up time!  I'll go through and turn this into a proper essay at some point, but now is not the time for that.

"How did the rite go in terms of structure? Who were the patrons of the rite, and who was the gatekeeper?"

We followed the Core Order of Ritual, substituting in the appropriate deities.  Earth Mother was Danu`, Gatekeeper: Manannan; Deity of the Occasion: Brigid. 

What things went wrong during the ritual? What things went right? 

No big foul ups.  being indoors always causes a problem with the offering to the outdwellers, but we managed.  We also couldn't have real fire (libraries are unfortunate that way).  But other than that, we pretty much did ok.  Had the right offerings to the right beings and nothing got screwed up too horribly.

Did you have problems with saying the words without stumbling, or did everything come out smoothly? 

I was only in charge of the offering to the Shining Ones.  For once, I didn't really stumble over the words.  Which probably has more to do with the lack of Deity names than any particular talent on my part.  There is just something about celtic names that cause me all sorts of trouble (probably because the monks who wrote down the assorted forms of Gaelic were drunk and/or high, but whatever).  I do probably need to to pick up one of my Celtic mythology books and re-figure out how to pronounce names.

Did you forget to bring a sacrifice? 

We had all the sacrifices we needed.  As soon as i figure out if there is a particular deity calling me, I'll start bringing a sacrifice for hir.  I do think I should probably put together a ritual back up kit that just lives in my car that contains things like a bowl to act as the well,  a gallon of apple cider or some other juice for offerings, incense, a lighter, that sort of thing.

Were you alone, or with a group? If you were with a group, did you say anything or do anything?

Group ritual with the Grove.  I did the offering to the Shining Ones. I need to get more comfortable with the idea/ presence/ whatever of the out dwellers.  but i'll get there.  Particularly since the Norse do have out dwellers that do need to be placated?

Now, for the not so easy part: how did the rite go in terms of function and feeling? Did you feel anything during the ritual? Did you experience doubt or confidence? Can you describe what happened? If you were with a group, what did the other people say about what happened? What omens were drawn (if any), and what did they tell you? Could you feel the presence of any deities, spirits, or powers? What else about the rite struck you, or do you want to share?

One of my... issues?  although that might be too strong of a word... with the Core Order of Ritual is that it doesn't feel like it's honoring the deity of the occasion enough.  I don't know if that's a grove thing, a me thing, or what.  It's more than possible that I'm expecting the wrong thing.  And I definitely need to work through it, even if working through it means that my personal devotions take that spot.

Once more, my discomfort with the outdwellers needs to be worked on.  I think it stems from my discomfort at inviting the attention of /any/ deity.  It's not a prevalent in celtic and norse mythology, but certainly in the mythologies of my youth, attracting the attention of God/Gods/Goddesses was death sentence.  Nothing pleasant ever happens to those who attract personal attention.

Omens, as interpreted by my current experience, are:
Ancestors: Gma Treva telling me I'll get through this.  Dad's right, I am feeling much the same way she did when Bill left.  But she did pretty good after Bill left and I'll do pretty good after Jon is out of my life.  I just need to trust zen.

Spirits: the foundation is solid, even if it doesn't feel like it.  I need to trust it and fly.  

Shining Ones: Joy is a type of wisdom as well.  Life carries on, and with it, the joy of creation.  Not only the despair of destruction.

Week 3: the First High Holy Day (Imbolc)

Week 3: The first High Holy Day: an explanation

Related to Requirement: #2 – Meaning and Discussion of High Days
Required Reading:

• Our Own Druidry, p. 62 - 74 61-75 (Hearth Cultures & High Days)

• ADF Constitution, Article 4

• The ADF Core Order of Ritual for High Days, 

Optional Reading:

• Our Own Druidry, p. 51 - 75 48-76 (The Very Basics of Ritual)

• A Crane Breviary and Guide Book by Rev. Michael J Dangler: <http://www.lulu.com/chronarchy>

• Appendix 1: Resources and Rituals for the Wheel of the Year

• Step by Step through a Druid Worship Ceremony

• The "Liturgy and Rituals" section of the ADF page

• The Three Cranes Grove, ADF, outline of ritual (with example prayers)

Not a whole lot to type up or think about before the ritual actually happens.  Ritual is Sunday afternoon with a celtic focus.  I'm trying to find sources for info on Norse equivalent.  What I've been able to find so far pretty much matches the Celtic/Germanic festival.  Ewe's milk, when winter begins to soften.  Lambing will begin soon (I guess? City girl here!).  At any rate, it's much the same it sounds like, so if I can't find anything at the library, I'll use the existing books I have at home.

The past week the cold has felt different.  It's still cold (the high on Monday was 14 Fahrenheit!), but it's not the bitter cold without remorse of deep winter.  It's the ever-so-slightly more humid cold of very early spring. The grocery store next to work hasn't put up their green house yet (my personal "yay spring!" signal), but they're clearing that area of their parking lot, so it'll be going up in the next month or so.

I think I'm going to end up doing two rituals for each holiday.  The grove ritual, which tends to be I-E, Celtic, or Grecian focused, and then a solitary ritual that's Norse focused.  I'm the only one in the grove with a impulse towards Norse, so I don't' think we'll ever being doing Norse as the main ritual.  And I'm ok with that.   The online Solitary grove posted their February ritual over the weekend.  I have it pulled up at home.  I'll take it and the Disting/Ewemeoluc ritual on the adf website and make them play nice.  It shouldn't be too hard.  Although I should totally do that tonight since K and nephew are coming down this weekend to play (and possibly go to ritual with me?)

I have some notes and thoughts about how meditation is going, but I think they'll get their own post when I'm not piece-mealing a post together from open tabs in stolen moments at work.

useful links:

https://www.adf.org/rituals/norse/general/index.html

Week 2, The First Oath, aftermath

**I had this post mostly written.  Then Luna walked across my keyboard, highlighted everything, and replaced it with cat speak.  And google autosaved before I could revert.  Am kinda irritated.  Mostly because she'd not even cuddling with me to make up for it**

Looks like my subconscious had been pondering and plotting my first oath without me.  I got home from work, re-read the assigned readings for this week, and, as I was actively thinking about how the example oath would work, it wasn't really me.  And there was no chance I would be able to remember it.  So I wrote my own.  I had a bit of input from a friend (word choice), but mostly I knew what to say and how to phrase it.  I made some changes as I was going through it and I'm still not 100% happy with it (which is why I'm not publishing it yet), but for the most part, was not nearly as big of a deal as I was expecting.

The ritual itself.

I pretty much followed the self-blessing and first oath rite from Wheel of the Year.  I choose to use the Two Powers meditation available on the ADF website instead of trying to get myself into the appropriate state. Luna did not appreciate the speaker, but calmed down to go do cat stuff after that ended and I switched to my ritual

Offerings: dragon's blood incense to the ancestors; hard cider to the spirits (side note: Woodchuck's cellar series, Dry Hop is really tasty); jade bead to the Gods.

Runes drawn: I used an old deck of flash cards for this.  Was not happy with how it worked out during the ritual and need to find a different solution for moving forward.

Ancestors: ; ken.  torch, controlled fire, creativity, illumination.  Regeneration through death and sacrifice.  the importance of kin.
Spirits: ; eoh.  yew tree, Yggdrasill, the world axis.  Communication.  the mystery of life and death.  Defense/ protection at the expense of others.
Gods: ; isa.  ice.  prima materia, anti-matter.  attraction, gravity, inertia.  stillness.  the self ego.

I'm seeing a lot of death and change in there.  Which makes sense.  The entirety of the last year has been about death of institutions in my life and a changing life.  I'm not sure if these are just a reflection of the past year or if the future is going to be this way too.

I'm amazed by how much more... resonant my voice is during ritual.  It never sounds like that during normal speech or even public speaking.  Just during ritual.  I don't know if i'm listening more to myself, if my register changes, or what.  Doesn't really mean anything i think, just interesting to note.