Week 29: 5th High Holy Day Recap

Related to Requirement: #8 – High Days Attended
Required Reading: None.

I'm behind again. Need to write up an essay on Integrity and the meaning of the holiday, but I'm honestly more focused on actual practice right now. I also still need to start the modern paganism book, but there are just so many more interesting things to read.

But I'm going to do this while I'm coming off the ritual high and then go play outside.

• how did the rite go in terms of structure? What things went wrong during the ritual? What things went right? 

This was originally supposed to be a Hellenic group ritual. Then the folks who were supposed to be leading had to drop out due to scheduling problems and asked me to take over. So... Norse group ritual. And then neither of us actually had the energy to have ritual last night, so it became Norse solitary. Just a few changes.

I should have spent more time working out the changes from group to solitary ritual. There were wording problems (plural pronouns) and things that the Grove does that I don't in my personal practice. Given that I spent all of 30 minutes or so working on that transition, I don't know why this surprises me.

But because this was originally created for a group, it was fully ADF. So there's that. I had everything because, ya know, checklists. Most of the actual problems I had were caused by poor formatting on the print out, not failure to foresee something.

• Who were the patrons of the rite, and who was the gatekeeper?

 Gatekeeper: Heimdall
Earth Mother: Jord
Patron: Freyr
Outdwellers: Syn
Special Thanks: Eir

• Did you have problems with saying the words without stumbling, or did everything come out smoothly? Did you forget to bring a sacrifice? 

I had trouble remembering anything without the script, but everything came out smoothly as long as that was available. The only trouble I had with sacrifices was discovering I'm out of silver tokens for the well. So I had to come up with a different offering for the well (pearls) before I got started. But there wasn't any scrambling during the ritual.

• Were you alone, or with a group? If you were with a group, did you say anything or do anything? 

Yay being half-solitary and half-grove. 2nd time in a row I was solitary. But it wasn't as comfortable this time. Not sure if it's because of the time of day or the mental expectation for others to be around and there weren't.

• how did the rite go in terms of function and feeling? Did you feel anything during the ritual? Did you experience doubt or confidence? Can you describe what happened? 

This one was pretty straight forward. Come in, do the business, and leave. I felt a few glimmers of attachment during the Two Powers, but not much. I really do need to get better at that. I doubt my abilities as a liturgist. I doubt my suitability for this path. I doubt everything right now. But the only way I can get better is to push through and keep going. Fumbling for the script, managing to completely forget that August 1 is a holiday and maybe I should put thought into things a couple weeks before hand... not really confidence building. But it'll get better as the cycle of holidays becomes more ingrained in my psyche.

• What omens were drawn (if any), and what did they tell you? 

Nothing terribly helpful.

Ancestors:  sowilo. the sun. success, victory.

Nature Spirits:  Laguz. lake/leeks. go with the flow. still waters run deep. don't fight what isn't in your control.

Divine Ones:  elwaz. elk. communication and the dangers associated with it.

• Could you feel the presence of any deities, spirits, or powers? What else about the rite struck you, or do you want to share?

Mostly, I feel like I've had rites go worse, but normally, I also get an emotional link if I'm doing by myself. But hey, I got my cat blessed. Its a start.

Week 24: Two Powers (part 2)

Related to Requirement:

• #5 – Two Powers 

Suggested Reading:

• "An Advanced Two Powers Attunement" by Linda Demissy  
• Ian Corrigan, "Working Magic with the Two Powers" mp3's, 
• "The Two Powers: an Alternative for Large Rites" by Rev. Kirk Thomas
• "Bungee Cord Two Powers" by Bert Kelher, 
• "Two Powers on a String and a Prayer" by Anne Lenzi, 
• Sacred Fire, Holy Well by Ian Corrigan, p. 82-85 
• The Fire on Our Hearth by Three Cranes Grove, ADF, p. 80-81 

• How has this meditation felt to you? Do you do this meditation as your daily meditation, or as part of daily rituals? 

The Two Powers guided meditation as presented in OOD and Corrigan's audio tracks and writings feels really artificial and forced. I'm not saying it doesn't work, just that it doesn't work for me. I'm slowly re-working the basic concepts into something that does work. I try to do a full two power's meditation as part of my daily devotional at least once a week. It doesn't always happen, but that's the goal. 

I'm going to try putting together another prayer string and see if that helps me remember to do it.

• Can you describe how it feels? What parts of the meditation move you the most? The least? Does one power or the other seem stronger? 

Dropping into the Earth power is like settling into a hot tub a bit too fast. Sending tendrils down into that heat, soaking it up, and then drawing it up into myself. 3 breaths down, 3 breaths soaking, 3 breaths drawing up.

Reaching up for the Sky power is harder. Feels like I'm straining, reaching on tiptoes for something just out of my reach. And it's cold, the space between the world, running outside without a coat in January, swimming in a lake during February cold.

Earth power is easier to connect to and feels stronger. But I don't think it is, it's just closer.

• Many people will come to feel that one of these powers is masculine and one is feminine. In your Dedicant Notebook, write a short paragraph on how the Sky Power is masculine and the Earth Power is feminine. Now, write another short paragraph about how the Sky Power is feminine and the Earth Power is masculine. Can you make both arguments? Which one convinces you more? Is either worth arguing? The Sky Power is sometimes described as "ordering" and the Earth Power is sometimes described as "chaotic". Do you feel this is an accurate description of the Powers? 

Masculine/ Feminine are bullshit. The sky and earth have no gender or sex. They are both greater than that and encompass both (and every other possible permutation). I can see the catagories of organization and chaos, however, both Earth and Sky have aspects of both.

The explosion of a star going nova, disordering the sky's orderly dance and motion. A perfect gemstone forming in the molten chaos of the earth's mantle.

• If you have chosen a hearth culture, how does the mythology of that culture embrace the Two Powers? 

Yggdrasil has 3 roots which are in 3 wells: The Well of Urðr (the well of fate, around which the Norns sit), the Hvergelmir (the source of rivers, and filled with dragons and snakes), and the Mímisbrunnr (Mimis' Well, the well of wisdom). It's branches support the 9 worlds.

• Can you write a chant or a prayer about the way the cosmos looks when we're in ritual? Try writing one and using it as a meditation aid, and write down your results. 

coming later. It's written, but I've not had a chance to see if it helps yet.

Week 23: 4th High Holy Day Recap

Related to Requirement: #8 – High Days Attended
Required Reading: None.

• how did the rite go in terms of structure? What things went wrong during the ritual? What things went right? 

For whatever reason, we didn't have a grove ritual for the solstice. So I was writing my own ritual. I stuck with the basic core order of ritual that we normally use, and just adopted parts from other rituals that worked well or that I liked.

Nothing really went wrong, but I was planning on having the ritual outside. Then a thunderstorm came through, soaking the wood pile. And a second storm rolled through right at dusk when I was getting ready to start. So outside was a no go.

My altar is kinda small, which is why I was wanting to do the ritual outside: more space to hold offerings. Moving inside meant that I needed to suddenly clear a space near my altar to hold the sacrifices. Ended up just clearing off the top of my dresser and moving things to the altar in sets as they were needed. Stacking coffee cups work really well for holding sacrifices.

Overall, I'm really happy with how things turned out. I should have practiced more some of the pronunciations (Skidbladnir and Sessrumnir are both pretty hard to pronounce when you're trying to say them aloud for the first time). But the worst things that happened were some stuttered pronunciation and being inside instead of outside. There are so totally worse ways this could have gone.

• Who were the patrons of the rite, and who was the gatekeeper? 

Gatekeeper: Heimdall

Earth Mother: Jörd

Deity of the Occasion: Freyr and Freyja

• Did you have problems with saying the words without stumbling, or did everything come out smoothly? Did you forget to bring a sacrifice? 

I need to start practicing the kennings before ritual. Pronunciation always trips me up. There were parts where I couldn't find my cadence, but that's mostly just a practice thing I think. I remembered sacrifices for everyone (not always what I would have chosen, but the last minute change of location meant some things had to be swapped from  things to toss in a fire to things that can be added to a candle flame). Upon further reflection, I'm not sure a (cherry) tomato was the best offering to Freyr, however, it seemed right when I was doing my planning.

• Were you alone, or with a group? If you were with a group, did you say anything or do anything? How did the rite go in terms of function and feeling?

I was solitary for this rite. And actually, I liked it better. I need to work on my two powers meditation, but it's just a practice thing. Being able to move at my own pace, to slow down when I felt like it needed it, being able to re-affirm my connection with the powers mid-ritual when I slipped... it felt much more relaxing and worshipful than the group rituals do. 

• Did you feel anything during the ritual? Did you experience doubt or confidence? Can you describe what happened? 

I'm not sure that comfortable is the right word, but something with those connotations. I wrote it (or at least, assembled it. I need to go add citations to my record of ritual), I performed it, and there was very little outside of my control that I could control. Even the tripping and stuttering wasn't too bad and didn't shake the feeling that this was right. 

I actually felt connected to the Kindreds. I might even be feeling my way towards a relationship with Freyja. It wasn't anything that ecstatic trance or anything, but I felt like my words were being heard and acknowledged. The land spirits really liked the sacrifice of maple syrup, milk, and dark bread.  I'm pretty sure Syn appreciated the wine. 

Maybe I'm one of those folks who needs to be solitary by choice. Although I do like the volunteer work etc that is happening with the grove.

• What omens were drawn (if any), and what did they tell you? 

I used runes, as is my wont. Over all, the impression I got was if I put in the effort, I will be rewarded with good health.

Ancestors:  Uraz. The wild auroch/ ox. Good health, strength
Spirits:  Ingaz. The ingot. Potential. With work, something valuable.
Gods:  Ansuz. The spoken word.

• What else about the rite struck you, or do you want to share? 

I liked this so much better than group ritual. Even though I was completely exhausted when done, it was everything I wanted out of ritual. I need to do this more often.

Weeks 13-16 Gah. I'm so far behind!

Well, somehow, I went from being about half a week behind to being 4 weeks behind. Not sure how that happened, but it means I have a lot of catch up work to do this week.

Week 13: finish wisdom exercises and write essay-- DONE
week 14: altar changes and write up-- DONE
week 15: piety exercises and essay-- DONE
week 16: 3rd high holy day essay

So yeah. Lots of stuff to get to. And it's a busy week on top of all that: in addition to my normal social activities (Tuesday), the Grove is volunteering at the local soup kitchen on Thursday, we have ritual on Friday, and Earth Day and Druid Moon on Sunday. And somewhere in there, I need to watch my shows and a movie I've borrowed from a friend, bake things for ritual and druid moon, and sleep. I love being busy. It's great.

So yeah, expect updates this week. lots and lots of updates.

Week 12: Ancestors, The Mighty Dead

Related to Requirement: #9 – Relationships to Kindred

Required Reading:
 Our Own Druidry, p. 120-121 (Kindred Attunement Work)
 Our Own Druidry, p. 42 (The Ancestors)

Optional Reading:
 "Ancestors Invocation" by Jennifer Ellison
 "A Beginner's Guide to Genealogical Research: or How I Connected to My Ancestors" by Meghan E. M.
 "Ancestors For Those Without Ancestors" by Renee Rhodes
 The Solitary Druid by Rev. Skip Ellison, p. 85-86

I'll come back to the ancestors later. This entry is mostly going to be catch up.

Nature:
It's spring. the trees are having sex and I can't breathe. I've not gotten as much yard work done yet as I really wanted to do, but there's time. Well, for most of it.  Looks like I should have gotten the strawberries in 2 weeks ago, as opposed to in 2 weeks when I have time and money to make it happen. But I should be able to get the mint in this spring. Or at least start getting the soil amended to what both strawberries and mint want.

This is my outside. Lawn and garden. I'm trying to not tear up too much stuff and to keep things still decently wild (or wild for suburbia) so that the Nature Spirits don't deal with too much change at once. Once the fence is re-built, I'll plant a bunch of butterfly bushes and other critter friendly plants.

I really dont know if this is what they want for nature awareness.

Meditation/ Mental Training:
This, contrary to all my expectations, is going ok. I'm not going to say it's going great, but the forcing myself to take time in the mornings is at least making me feel less anxious (most mornings). I'm still continuing with the Anywhere Devotional that I started out with. I do still need to create a proper rune set. In all the copious spare time I have for crafting.

Luna is being problematic in the mornings now that it's nice out. She makes it her goal to be as obnoxious as possible so I'll let her out in the mornings. Which means yowling at the top of her lungs, drinking from the well, trying to set herself on fire...  It's a bit distracting when I'm trying to be reach out to the kindreds.

I need to continue working on the two powers meditation. Will probably do that tonight after dinner while working on the stuff for ancestors.

I-E Studies:
I haven't touched this in weeks.

Week 11: The Two Powers

Related to Requirement:
#5 – Two Powers;
#6 – Mental Training

Required Reading:

• Our Own Druidry, p. 28-29 (The Two Powers)
• Our Own Druidry, p. 38-39 (The Two Powers) 

Optional Reading and Resources:

• Two Powers Audio file
• "Two Powers Active Meditation" by Tommy Watson
• A Book of Pagan Prayer by Ceisiwr Serith (ISBN: 1578632552)
• Sacred Fire, Holy Well by Ian Corrigan, pgs. 10, 76;
• Training the Mind: Techniques of Trance and Meditation CD by Ian Corrigan, "The Two Powers Exercise" and the introduction and discussion tracks 

The copy of the CD I have doesn't include the Two Powers audio file, just the introduction. I figure its much the same.

I love this way of grounding and centering. It's calming and doesn't make me feel like i'm screwing up just because I'm not properly attuned to Air (or whatever. I have trouble with a lot of elemental systems).

I have the basic imagery down, but not the timing. This is going to require more practice, but it's a decent start.