Week 23: 4th High Holy Day Recap

Related to Requirement: #8 – High Days Attended
Required Reading: None.

• how did the rite go in terms of structure? What things went wrong during the ritual? What things went right? 

For whatever reason, we didn't have a grove ritual for the solstice. So I was writing my own ritual. I stuck with the basic core order of ritual that we normally use, and just adopted parts from other rituals that worked well or that I liked.

Nothing really went wrong, but I was planning on having the ritual outside. Then a thunderstorm came through, soaking the wood pile. And a second storm rolled through right at dusk when I was getting ready to start. So outside was a no go.

My altar is kinda small, which is why I was wanting to do the ritual outside: more space to hold offerings. Moving inside meant that I needed to suddenly clear a space near my altar to hold the sacrifices. Ended up just clearing off the top of my dresser and moving things to the altar in sets as they were needed. Stacking coffee cups work really well for holding sacrifices.

Overall, I'm really happy with how things turned out. I should have practiced more some of the pronunciations (Skidbladnir and Sessrumnir are both pretty hard to pronounce when you're trying to say them aloud for the first time). But the worst things that happened were some stuttered pronunciation and being inside instead of outside. There are so totally worse ways this could have gone.

• Who were the patrons of the rite, and who was the gatekeeper? 

Gatekeeper: Heimdall

Earth Mother: Jörd

Deity of the Occasion: Freyr and Freyja

• Did you have problems with saying the words without stumbling, or did everything come out smoothly? Did you forget to bring a sacrifice? 

I need to start practicing the kennings before ritual. Pronunciation always trips me up. There were parts where I couldn't find my cadence, but that's mostly just a practice thing I think. I remembered sacrifices for everyone (not always what I would have chosen, but the last minute change of location meant some things had to be swapped from  things to toss in a fire to things that can be added to a candle flame). Upon further reflection, I'm not sure a (cherry) tomato was the best offering to Freyr, however, it seemed right when I was doing my planning.

• Were you alone, or with a group? If you were with a group, did you say anything or do anything? How did the rite go in terms of function and feeling?

I was solitary for this rite. And actually, I liked it better. I need to work on my two powers meditation, but it's just a practice thing. Being able to move at my own pace, to slow down when I felt like it needed it, being able to re-affirm my connection with the powers mid-ritual when I slipped... it felt much more relaxing and worshipful than the group rituals do. 

• Did you feel anything during the ritual? Did you experience doubt or confidence? Can you describe what happened? 

I'm not sure that comfortable is the right word, but something with those connotations. I wrote it (or at least, assembled it. I need to go add citations to my record of ritual), I performed it, and there was very little outside of my control that I could control. Even the tripping and stuttering wasn't too bad and didn't shake the feeling that this was right. 

I actually felt connected to the Kindreds. I might even be feeling my way towards a relationship with Freyja. It wasn't anything that ecstatic trance or anything, but I felt like my words were being heard and acknowledged. The land spirits really liked the sacrifice of maple syrup, milk, and dark bread.  I'm pretty sure Syn appreciated the wine. 

Maybe I'm one of those folks who needs to be solitary by choice. Although I do like the volunteer work etc that is happening with the grove.

• What omens were drawn (if any), and what did they tell you? 

I used runes, as is my wont. Over all, the impression I got was if I put in the effort, I will be rewarded with good health.

Ancestors:  Uraz. The wild auroch/ ox. Good health, strength
Spirits:  Ingaz. The ingot. Potential. With work, something valuable.
Gods:  Ansuz. The spoken word.

• What else about the rite struck you, or do you want to share? 

I liked this so much better than group ritual. Even though I was completely exhausted when done, it was everything I wanted out of ritual. I need to do this more often.

Week 14: Home Shrine Revisited

Tracking changes to my Altar/ shrine over the past 7 weeks.

Here's what it looked like in March:

February 25, 2014

Doesn't really look like much.  There's no cup for me to drink out of, while it's very uncluttered, it also doesn't really look personal.

After a couple of weeks of use, I added a cup and some other things to make devotionals a bit easier:

March 24, 2014

I switched things around to make it harder for Luna to try to set herself on fire, added candles (I didn't think there was enough light during full rituals), started sticking my incense sticks into the sand that holds my tree/pole. Replaced the citrine with quartz for clarity of thought, straightened out the strand of amethyst. The shallow bowl was originally there to hold any offerings, but it got moved to my travel kit. This is better than the original layout, but I'm still not happy with it.

I snapped this photo this morning:

April 29, 2014

It doesn't matter which side the flame is on, Luna still tries to set herself on fire. I removed the candles again because as much as I like having the extra light during full rituals, most of the time, I also need more space for those (In that case, the things I need get moved to either the coffee table in the living room or outside, depending on what I need). The candle that is currently on there is only there because my lamp ran out of oil over the weekend and I've not had the time to re-fill it. I've added 3 stone and pewter frogs as well, mostly because I like frogs. and they do make the entire thing look more like something I put together. I need to come up with a storage method for my rune staves (the popsicle sticks) rather than just being piled together. The tree/pole hasn't been shortened, I just framed the photo strangely.

I want to add a shelf above this to hold things like a box of keepsakes for the ancestors, maybe a deity image, seasonal flowers, and to hang some chimes from. I also want to re-finish the inside of the bowl. It's just stained, without any sealant, so if I forget to empty it in the morning after my devotional, the stain leeches out of the bowl and into the water. Eventually, there will also be a hook to hold my ritual beads. Once I make them (which needs to be this week). I'm still contemplating a plant for a tree/pole instead of a stripped branch, but at this point, I'm willing to just let things be.

As you can tell by the lighter and separated stave, I'm definitely using the altar as I have it set up. Most of the changes I want to make are cosmetic. I'll be changing the altar cloth Thursday if I have the energy, this coming weekend if not. I had a plan for a shelf, however, after scratching myself on a (rusty) nail trying to get the reclaimed wood I was going to use, that plan got scrapped in favor of not giving myself tetanus. I might try again on the next rainy day I have free, but not this week. I had to take down an entire fence, so I might as well make use of the wood before taking it to a mulching drop off.

Weeks 13-16 Gah. I'm so far behind!

Well, somehow, I went from being about half a week behind to being 4 weeks behind. Not sure how that happened, but it means I have a lot of catch up work to do this week.

Week 13: finish wisdom exercises and write essay-- DONE
week 14: altar changes and write up-- DONE
week 15: piety exercises and essay-- DONE
week 16: 3rd high holy day essay

So yeah. Lots of stuff to get to. And it's a busy week on top of all that: in addition to my normal social activities (Tuesday), the Grove is volunteering at the local soup kitchen on Thursday, we have ritual on Friday, and Earth Day and Druid Moon on Sunday. And somewhere in there, I need to watch my shows and a movie I've borrowed from a friend, bake things for ritual and druid moon, and sleep. I love being busy. It's great.

So yeah, expect updates this week. lots and lots of updates.

Week 12: Ancestors, The Mighty Dead

Related to Requirement: #9 – Relationships to Kindred

Required Reading:
 Our Own Druidry, p. 120-121 (Kindred Attunement Work)
 Our Own Druidry, p. 42 (The Ancestors)

Optional Reading:
 "Ancestors Invocation" by Jennifer Ellison
 "A Beginner's Guide to Genealogical Research: or How I Connected to My Ancestors" by Meghan E. M.
 "Ancestors For Those Without Ancestors" by Renee Rhodes
 The Solitary Druid by Rev. Skip Ellison, p. 85-86

I'll come back to the ancestors later. This entry is mostly going to be catch up.

Nature:
It's spring. the trees are having sex and I can't breathe. I've not gotten as much yard work done yet as I really wanted to do, but there's time. Well, for most of it.  Looks like I should have gotten the strawberries in 2 weeks ago, as opposed to in 2 weeks when I have time and money to make it happen. But I should be able to get the mint in this spring. Or at least start getting the soil amended to what both strawberries and mint want.

This is my outside. Lawn and garden. I'm trying to not tear up too much stuff and to keep things still decently wild (or wild for suburbia) so that the Nature Spirits don't deal with too much change at once. Once the fence is re-built, I'll plant a bunch of butterfly bushes and other critter friendly plants.

I really dont know if this is what they want for nature awareness.

Meditation/ Mental Training:
This, contrary to all my expectations, is going ok. I'm not going to say it's going great, but the forcing myself to take time in the mornings is at least making me feel less anxious (most mornings). I'm still continuing with the Anywhere Devotional that I started out with. I do still need to create a proper rune set. In all the copious spare time I have for crafting.

Luna is being problematic in the mornings now that it's nice out. She makes it her goal to be as obnoxious as possible so I'll let her out in the mornings. Which means yowling at the top of her lungs, drinking from the well, trying to set herself on fire...  It's a bit distracting when I'm trying to be reach out to the kindreds.

I need to continue working on the two powers meditation. Will probably do that tonight after dinner while working on the stuff for ancestors.

I-E Studies:
I haven't touched this in weeks.

Home Shrine update

Not a whole lot has changed on my Altar yet.  I've added a small cup of salt to use as sacrifice in addition to the water I normally use for my daily devotional.  I looked for something to corral larger offerings last weekend, but didn't see anything that seemed right.  I'll keep looking.  I also need to find a drinking cup to use.

I also think I'm going to hang a small shelf above my altar.  i don't have much surface space to add things to it right now and there are definitely things i want to add.

Luna has at least decided that maybe jumping onto my altar while i'm standing in front of it may not be the best plan.  Since that's at least 90% of the time when I have a candle burning or something similar, we're making progress.  Having utterly failed to teach her manners when it comes to food, tables, and counter tops, I'll settle for her not setting herself on fire.

Travel set up.
I kinda feel like i want to create a travel altar that I can just toss into a backpack or purse to take with me when I go home to visit my folks or whatever.  This shouldn't be too hard.

• tea or prayer candle
• small tree figurine (jewelry?)  Uncommon Adornments always has a tree pendant
• something??? for a well.  Possibly the container i end up using? or a film canister (do they still make those?)?
• salt in a small baggie?  or would this look too much like meth (meth is the one that looks like crystals right? not coke or crack?)?
• lighter (which i actually carry with me in my purse anyway)
• leave room for bigger offerings if necessary.

I wonder what i can find in terms of small boxes at various craft stores.  I don't think i have anything suitable in the house.  Sometimes I really really hate that the local "random cool stuff" store closed so the owner could retire or some such.

Anyway, yes.  shelf, drinking vessel, travel altar.  needs to happen.

uh... FAIL

Did a daily devotional tonight instead of meditation.

I think the Kindreds just rejected me.  Or at least, my offerings.

Luna decided she wanted to bat at the Fire.  Twice.  I got her off the altar each time, but... yeah.
Fire ran out of oil (after ritual thankfully).
When i went to refill the oil, i overfilled it, ruining an altar cloth.
Wiping up the spilled oil... my rag caught on fire.

So... back to meditation I think.  less chance of burning my house down.

(this is all in addition to getting a ticket on my way home from picking up some more incense and candle holders.)

Bye Week therefore Housekeeping

It's a bye-week for Wheel of the Year, so updates on continuing projects/ assignments/ whatever.

Indo-European Book Review:

So I read the Myth of Matriarchal Prehistory.  I have feels, bad ones.  Not because I disagree with Eller, but because the Matriarchal prehistory folks fail basic feminist thought and logic.  I have never wished so badly that an argument was a strawman. And it's not like I'm well known for my grasp on feminist theory.

My initial review is going to be far too long.  Once I've gotten it written, edited, and privilege checked, i'll post it.  Then I'll edit it down  for DP stuff.  Or, more likely, I'll write an abstract and use that.  

At any rate, it'll be up in a couple weeks probably.  Right now, I'm still in search of sources that back me up on how racist the theory is (I've already got sources on how sexist/ anti-feminist it is).  I love JSTOR and having friends who are in academia who will allow me to abuse them for access to articles.  I've already started the blog post for it twice and it's just not there yet.  So it'll be there when it's ready.  Also, I apparently need to re-memorize MLA since I'm out of practice.  There's been at least one update come out since I stopped using MLA for everything.

Shrine Update:

Luna has been very good about staying off my altar so far.  She nearly burnt herself while I was meditating with a candle lit on it Saturday morning, but figured out that it was hot before she got too close.

I think I'm going to pick up an air plant terrarium to use as my tree.  It's not appropriate for my hearth culture at all, but sometimes hearth culture needs to take a back seat to "something I can keep alive and wont' poison my cat." I might pick up another cedar branch to use if I feel the need (the cedars in my back yard had a couple of branches die over the fall/ winter, so I can harvest those).  And, the more cedar in my wool filled house the better.

Apparently, I decided this week was going to be the week I started my rune set.  Not sure that's actually going to happen, but I'll contemplate it.

Nature Awareness:

My awareness of nature right now comes down to "it's freaking cold.  Frozen got it's EGOT, Elsa, can you please end the endless winter now?"  And making chili and potato soup.  I'm essentially just hiding in my den, and, for the most part, feel no shame in that.

Per the Weather Channel, we're supposed to warm up to the mid-fifties by next weekend.  If that's true, I'll go tramp around in the woods Thursday afternoon.  I really want to go camping, but that's just not going to happen right now.

At any rate, I really need to get the initial write up from week 5 written.  

Holy Days:

I think I need to go re-work the initial Imbolc paragraph back in week 3.  I'm not sure it hits the word count and it's certainly incomplete.

Our spring equinox ritual is going to be Slavic.  I know nothing about slavic cultures other than what I learned in a history course 8 years ago and that didn't focus much on folklore, mythology, or even the pre-christian religion.  I do have a book of Russian folk tales. I should probably pull that out and skim through it just so I have something resembling a base.

May 1/ Beltane is the Norse ritual that I'm creating.  Assuming we're focusing on the fertility aspects and not the German ancestor aspects, GateKeeper will be Heimdall on the Bifrost, DoO will probably be Frey.  I'll have to poke around some more to find the appropriate Earth Mother, nothing is sticking out at me as I thumb through my books. I'm also probably overthinking the ritual itself and need to NOT reinvent the wheel.

Library:

Not really strictly part of my DP stuff, but is happening in conjunction with, and has mental health implications.  I've started the great book purge. I know Goodreads has a scan function to add books to your library.  I need to experiment with it to see if I can get it to tag every book I scan in at a session with "Book Purge" or something similar.  It's that or type everything into a spreadsheet on Google so folks can lay claim to anything they find interesting. None of this can go live until after the divorce is finalized of course.  And I'll probably run most of them through a book buyback to see if i can get any money for them before putting them up for grabs. But expect that to be coming shortly.  There's likely to be lots of art history and books on Martin Luther.

My goal is to clear enough space off my bookshelves that I can have one bookcase (one of the short ones) dedicated to Pagan Library stuff in my bedroom.  This will also give me some more space to spread my altar out if I feel the need.  Which I don't right now but *shrug*.  It'd be nice to have the option.

Meditation:

This is... not going as well as I would like.  I'm trying to average 5 times a week (gives me a couple days to be tired or busy without fretting about it), but I'm at best, averaging 2-3 times a week.  I'm contemplating just not moving my body clock with daylight saving's time next weekend, but I'm not sure how that will work. But I do need to come up with something.  

Unless I decide to bypass meditation and just do a daily devotion.  Which is a possibility.  I don't know.  It's something to think about at least.  The devotionals will also serve to get me more familiar with CoOR. Or maybe daily devotionals and meditation.  That might bridge the gap I'm feeling.  

I think I'll try doing either a devotional or meditation every day this week and next and see which one fits in with my life better.  I'll either pick one or continue doing both throughout the year.  This also means that it's less awkward to excuse myself for 30 minutes when I have company.  I can wait until they leave and even if I'm too tired to meditate, I can at least do a devotional.  Perhaps this is where I should start contemplating prayer beads.

Week 7: Creating the Home Shrine

Related to Requirement: #4 – Home Shrine
Required Reading:

• Our Own Druidry: p. 91 - 96 (Personal Work) 86-100

Optional Reading:

• "Placement of the Home Shrine" by Rev. Michael J Dangler 
• "Creating the Desire for Worship" by Rev. Michael J Dangler 
• "Takin' It All Home" by Kami Landy
• Sacred Fire, Holy Well by Ian Corrigan, p. 69-70; 
• The Solitary Druid by Rev. Skip Ellison, p. 38-40  

Personal Reading:

• "Creating a Home Shrine" by Julian Greene

I've had a home shrine for several years now, but I've never really been happy with it.  I like being able to have space to actually create charms and whatnot on my altar and, particularly once my now ex and I combined altars, there was no room for much of anything, let alone oils and beads and cording and mortar/ pestle and all the other necessary supplies.  Accordingly, I'm pretty much starting over on altar organization.  

I have a wooden bowl to use as a Well.  A stone oil lamp for the Fire (not the company I got mine from, but same style).  Several incense burners and oil diffusers.  The only thing I really need is something to act as the Tree.  I've been using a cedar branch (trimmed, de-barked, and sanded), but I have that branch for a reason and will need to find a different option.  I'm hoping now that spring is coming, I'll be able to find a house plant that is both non-toxic to cats and can withstand benign neglect.  I also want to find something else to use as offering bowls instead of either a) my mortar or b) a stacking coffee cup.  

I'll be moving my altar upstairs to my bedroom later today and will thus be able to get decent light and photos.  I might keep a mini-altar downstairs in the library using some of the duplicates that I have, but I'm not sure off hand.  Something about open flame on a bookshelf seems... bad. I like the idea of having a smaller brazier and whatnot in the kitchen while I'm cooking dinner, but counter-space is at a premium right now.  So even something as small as that could be problematic (also, see cat and curious).  

Part of me really wants to go back to using the top of my dresser as an altar instead of the tv stand that I'm currently using.  However, my dresser is rather tall, making sitting in front of it a problem and I also tend to just deposit stuff on it- socks missing mates, pocket junk, my jewelry box, borrowed books... That's not really a good habit to have for your altar.  At least the tv stand has built in storage and is small enough that the normal altar clutter is more than enough to make adding mundane junk require thought.  Yes, there is the option of just becoming a better housekeeper, but lets keep things reasonable.

Existing Altar

I got the altar moved upstairs.

Currently: stone oil lamp, cedar branch held upright in a mason jar with some sand, turned walnut bowl; basic incense burner with... some sort... of incense in it; strand of amethyst chip beads surrounding a polished piece of citron.

Inside the cabinet is incense, candles, oils, altar cloths (i try to change them out with the seasons), assorted other supplies.  I have a basket containing polished stones to use as offerings and a second (smaller) bowl containing larger stones.  It's rather a disaster, so I'm not going to post a photo of it.