Week 23: 4th High Holy Day Recap

Related to Requirement: #8 – High Days Attended
Required Reading: None.

• how did the rite go in terms of structure? What things went wrong during the ritual? What things went right? 

For whatever reason, we didn't have a grove ritual for the solstice. So I was writing my own ritual. I stuck with the basic core order of ritual that we normally use, and just adopted parts from other rituals that worked well or that I liked.

Nothing really went wrong, but I was planning on having the ritual outside. Then a thunderstorm came through, soaking the wood pile. And a second storm rolled through right at dusk when I was getting ready to start. So outside was a no go.

My altar is kinda small, which is why I was wanting to do the ritual outside: more space to hold offerings. Moving inside meant that I needed to suddenly clear a space near my altar to hold the sacrifices. Ended up just clearing off the top of my dresser and moving things to the altar in sets as they were needed. Stacking coffee cups work really well for holding sacrifices.

Overall, I'm really happy with how things turned out. I should have practiced more some of the pronunciations (Skidbladnir and Sessrumnir are both pretty hard to pronounce when you're trying to say them aloud for the first time). But the worst things that happened were some stuttered pronunciation and being inside instead of outside. There are so totally worse ways this could have gone.

• Who were the patrons of the rite, and who was the gatekeeper? 

Gatekeeper: Heimdall

Earth Mother: Jörd

Deity of the Occasion: Freyr and Freyja

• Did you have problems with saying the words without stumbling, or did everything come out smoothly? Did you forget to bring a sacrifice? 

I need to start practicing the kennings before ritual. Pronunciation always trips me up. There were parts where I couldn't find my cadence, but that's mostly just a practice thing I think. I remembered sacrifices for everyone (not always what I would have chosen, but the last minute change of location meant some things had to be swapped from  things to toss in a fire to things that can be added to a candle flame). Upon further reflection, I'm not sure a (cherry) tomato was the best offering to Freyr, however, it seemed right when I was doing my planning.

• Were you alone, or with a group? If you were with a group, did you say anything or do anything? How did the rite go in terms of function and feeling?

I was solitary for this rite. And actually, I liked it better. I need to work on my two powers meditation, but it's just a practice thing. Being able to move at my own pace, to slow down when I felt like it needed it, being able to re-affirm my connection with the powers mid-ritual when I slipped... it felt much more relaxing and worshipful than the group rituals do. 

• Did you feel anything during the ritual? Did you experience doubt or confidence? Can you describe what happened? 

I'm not sure that comfortable is the right word, but something with those connotations. I wrote it (or at least, assembled it. I need to go add citations to my record of ritual), I performed it, and there was very little outside of my control that I could control. Even the tripping and stuttering wasn't too bad and didn't shake the feeling that this was right. 

I actually felt connected to the Kindreds. I might even be feeling my way towards a relationship with Freyja. It wasn't anything that ecstatic trance or anything, but I felt like my words were being heard and acknowledged. The land spirits really liked the sacrifice of maple syrup, milk, and dark bread.  I'm pretty sure Syn appreciated the wine. 

Maybe I'm one of those folks who needs to be solitary by choice. Although I do like the volunteer work etc that is happening with the grove.

• What omens were drawn (if any), and what did they tell you? 

I used runes, as is my wont. Over all, the impression I got was if I put in the effort, I will be rewarded with good health.

Ancestors:  Uraz. The wild auroch/ ox. Good health, strength
Spirits:  Ingaz. The ingot. Potential. With work, something valuable.
Gods:  Ansuz. The spoken word.

• What else about the rite struck you, or do you want to share? 

I liked this so much better than group ritual. Even though I was completely exhausted when done, it was everything I wanted out of ritual. I need to do this more often.

Week 21: Nature Awareness 2

Related to Requirement: #7 – Nature Awareness
Required Reading:
 Our Own Druidry, p. 41 - 46 (Attunement to Nature and the Kindred)
Suggested Reading:
 "Connecting With the Natural World" by Ladytoad
 "On the Solitary Path" by Ladytoad
 "Nature Worship as Lifestyle" by Kate Farrell
 "O Earth Mother, We Praise Thee" from The Druid Chronicles
 Sacred Fire, Holy Well by Ian Corrigan, p. 163-166;
 The Solitary Druid by Rev. Skip Ellison, p. 69-80

I may have made a bad decision when choosing my yard to use as my nature spot. While I'm doing really good at getting outside and spending time in my yard... I'm mostly doing yard work while I'm at it. Which, while very helpful for getting used to the rhythms of a new place, doesn't really involve connecting to the land or nature spirits.

Homework:
1. Where does your trash go? 
To the city landfill for the most part. I recycle a bunch, but not all.

2. Are there options for recycling that you're making use of? Why or why not? 
I recycle most of my plastic, glass, and aluminum containers. I need to get better about recycling my (tin? I think they're mostly steel now) food cans, as they can go into the same bin as the others. And then even better at taking the recycling bags to the drop off.

A good portion of my waste is junk mail and paper food waste. During the spring and summer, a good portion of it ends up being used as charcoal starter, however, during the winter it just get tossed out. The city has a fiber recycling program as well, however, since it needs to be separate from the plastic/metal bin... I don't have the space for a permanent bin for it and I'm too lazy to make space.

3. Are there steps you can take to help reduce the amount of refuse you create? 
Even with not recycling my paper, I normally only have about 1 trashbag a week. Some weeks are heavier, but 1 bag is pretty hard to go down from. Obviously recycling my paper and starting a compost pile would get me down even further.

4. What happens to your waste water? 
Eventually, anything spilled outside gets to the Missouri River. Its where my water comes from (via a treatment station) and where it all returns. I'm only a couple of miles from the river, so I use as few pesticides and fertilizers as possible to keep at least that much out of the river (my neighbors feel no such compulsion, which is why my yard has all the bees and all the ticks.)

5. What rivers are nearby? Do you have a connection to them? What sort of connection? 
The Missouri river is about 2 miles away. It's dirty and dangerous through here, so I don't spend much time on it. But its pretty watching the sunset over the river.

6. Describe the basic climate of your area. Is it often wet and rainy? Dry and sunny? Wet and sunny? How has this affected the kinds of plants and animals in the area? 
It's hot/cold and humid. Anything else is in flux. Right now, it's raining, hot, and humid. We actually get 4 seasons through here most years. Past few years have been really dry (and yet still humid *eyeroll*), but there's enough fluctuation you can't trust the weather forecast for more than 2-3 days tops.

The plants that do well are highly drought tolerant. This is very much still prairie land at heart and anything that wants lots of available water just isn't going to live very well. Same goes for animals. Deer, raccoons, and opossums are all pretty common. Other, larger, animals live elsewhere. But I mostly get the common suburban and urban margin inhabitants.

7. What visible effects have humans had on the natural landscapes around you? 
Sub/urban sprawl sucks. We don't let the river move anymore, and all the trees are getting torn down to build more single family homes.

8. Where do the winds usually come from? Are there different winds at different times of the year? 
The vast majority of our wind comes from the west. Storms normally travel from the south west, however, there are always a few every year that come from the northwest or follow the Mississippi north and then turn west. Those tend to cause tornadoes and mass destruction.

9. What major crops are grown in your region? Why are these particular crops grown here? 
We used to grow lots of hemp for rope (19th century). Apparently hemp really likes the climate here. Now the fields are gone, but we have a lot growing wild still. Other major crops are soy beans and corn. Some wheat, but not as much. Corn and wheat both require more easily available water than is normally available of a given year. Soy Beans are a short crop cycle and thus can be harvested before the summer drought kicks in.

10. Where does your power come from (i.e. nuclear, solar, coal, gas, etc.)? 
Missouri has a law that says a certain percentage of power has to come from renewable resources. I have no idea what that percentage is. Per what I can find, my local electric company uses mostly coal, with additional wind, hydro, and gas to make up the difference. I know my local landfill generates electricity from the methane, but it goes to a different electric company.

Week 15: Nine Virtues: Piety

I'm pretty sure writing 125 words on anything isn't supposed to be this hard. But I rather think the ADF definition provided in Our Druidry is bullpucky and my attempts to come up with a logical explanation that doesn't logic me into a corner isn't going well. 

At any rate, this is what I have so far:

“Correct observance of ritual and social traditions; the maintenance of the agreements, (both personal and societal), we humans have with the Gods and Spirits. Keeping the Old Ways, through ceremony and duty.”  ADF Dedicant Manual

• Reverence for God or devout fulfillment of religious obligations: a prayer full of piety.
• the quality or state of being pious: saintly piety.
• dutiful respect or regard for parents, homeland, etc.: filial piety.
• a pious act, remark, belief, or the like: the pieties and sacrifices of an austere life.

Dictionary.com

Piety, as an act, requires only actions in service of something greater than oneself. In terms of service and piety, there is no much difference between a soldier serving her country and and priest serving his God(s). It is the act of service that is the pious act. Piety is duty. Duty to the Gods, duty to the local spirits, duty to the surrounding community and family. It is part of the sacrifice made on a daily basis to ensure a functioning society. Piety asks one to serve others who are less fortunate; to take care of the the environment and recover what can be replanted; to trust the Gods’ wisdom and be their hands when they cannot act themselves. Piety is related to integrity/ honor and perseverance. While the easier thing in many cases may be to be selfish, honor and integrity demand service to something greater, Keeping the oaths and commitments made to others and the Gods. However, it is not enough to honor those oaths and commitments once. It is done repeatedly, until it has become embedded. It is the perseverance that takes a mundane task: standing at the altar for 20 minutes a day, meditating and turns it into service of the Gods and piety.

This is crap. I know it's crap. But piety isn't one of those things I have a clear mental definition of, and I have a bye week in a few weeks where I can sit down and revise things.

Week 14: Home Shrine Revisited

Tracking changes to my Altar/ shrine over the past 7 weeks.

Here's what it looked like in March:

February 25, 2014

Doesn't really look like much.  There's no cup for me to drink out of, while it's very uncluttered, it also doesn't really look personal.

After a couple of weeks of use, I added a cup and some other things to make devotionals a bit easier:

March 24, 2014

I switched things around to make it harder for Luna to try to set herself on fire, added candles (I didn't think there was enough light during full rituals), started sticking my incense sticks into the sand that holds my tree/pole. Replaced the citrine with quartz for clarity of thought, straightened out the strand of amethyst. The shallow bowl was originally there to hold any offerings, but it got moved to my travel kit. This is better than the original layout, but I'm still not happy with it.

I snapped this photo this morning:

April 29, 2014

It doesn't matter which side the flame is on, Luna still tries to set herself on fire. I removed the candles again because as much as I like having the extra light during full rituals, most of the time, I also need more space for those (In that case, the things I need get moved to either the coffee table in the living room or outside, depending on what I need). The candle that is currently on there is only there because my lamp ran out of oil over the weekend and I've not had the time to re-fill it. I've added 3 stone and pewter frogs as well, mostly because I like frogs. and they do make the entire thing look more like something I put together. I need to come up with a storage method for my rune staves (the popsicle sticks) rather than just being piled together. The tree/pole hasn't been shortened, I just framed the photo strangely.

I want to add a shelf above this to hold things like a box of keepsakes for the ancestors, maybe a deity image, seasonal flowers, and to hang some chimes from. I also want to re-finish the inside of the bowl. It's just stained, without any sealant, so if I forget to empty it in the morning after my devotional, the stain leeches out of the bowl and into the water. Eventually, there will also be a hook to hold my ritual beads. Once I make them (which needs to be this week). I'm still contemplating a plant for a tree/pole instead of a stripped branch, but at this point, I'm willing to just let things be.

As you can tell by the lighter and separated stave, I'm definitely using the altar as I have it set up. Most of the changes I want to make are cosmetic. I'll be changing the altar cloth Thursday if I have the energy, this coming weekend if not. I had a plan for a shelf, however, after scratching myself on a (rusty) nail trying to get the reclaimed wood I was going to use, that plan got scrapped in favor of not giving myself tetanus. I might try again on the next rainy day I have free, but not this week. I had to take down an entire fence, so I might as well make use of the wood before taking it to a mulching drop off.

Week 11: The Two Powers

Related to Requirement:
#5 – Two Powers;
#6 – Mental Training

Required Reading:

• Our Own Druidry, p. 28-29 (The Two Powers)
• Our Own Druidry, p. 38-39 (The Two Powers) 

Optional Reading and Resources:

• Two Powers Audio file
• "Two Powers Active Meditation" by Tommy Watson
• A Book of Pagan Prayer by Ceisiwr Serith (ISBN: 1578632552)
• Sacred Fire, Holy Well by Ian Corrigan, pgs. 10, 76;
• Training the Mind: Techniques of Trance and Meditation CD by Ian Corrigan, "The Two Powers Exercise" and the introduction and discussion tracks 

The copy of the CD I have doesn't include the Two Powers audio file, just the introduction. I figure its much the same.

I love this way of grounding and centering. It's calming and doesn't make me feel like i'm screwing up just because I'm not properly attuned to Air (or whatever. I have trouble with a lot of elemental systems).

I have the basic imagery down, but not the timing. This is going to require more practice, but it's a decent start. 

uh... FAIL

Did a daily devotional tonight instead of meditation.

I think the Kindreds just rejected me.  Or at least, my offerings.

Luna decided she wanted to bat at the Fire.  Twice.  I got her off the altar each time, but... yeah.
Fire ran out of oil (after ritual thankfully).
When i went to refill the oil, i overfilled it, ruining an altar cloth.
Wiping up the spilled oil... my rag caught on fire.

So... back to meditation I think.  less chance of burning my house down.

(this is all in addition to getting a ticket on my way home from picking up some more incense and candle holders.)

Bye Week therefore Housekeeping

It's a bye-week for Wheel of the Year, so updates on continuing projects/ assignments/ whatever.

Indo-European Book Review:

So I read the Myth of Matriarchal Prehistory.  I have feels, bad ones.  Not because I disagree with Eller, but because the Matriarchal prehistory folks fail basic feminist thought and logic.  I have never wished so badly that an argument was a strawman. And it's not like I'm well known for my grasp on feminist theory.

My initial review is going to be far too long.  Once I've gotten it written, edited, and privilege checked, i'll post it.  Then I'll edit it down  for DP stuff.  Or, more likely, I'll write an abstract and use that.  

At any rate, it'll be up in a couple weeks probably.  Right now, I'm still in search of sources that back me up on how racist the theory is (I've already got sources on how sexist/ anti-feminist it is).  I love JSTOR and having friends who are in academia who will allow me to abuse them for access to articles.  I've already started the blog post for it twice and it's just not there yet.  So it'll be there when it's ready.  Also, I apparently need to re-memorize MLA since I'm out of practice.  There's been at least one update come out since I stopped using MLA for everything.

Shrine Update:

Luna has been very good about staying off my altar so far.  She nearly burnt herself while I was meditating with a candle lit on it Saturday morning, but figured out that it was hot before she got too close.

I think I'm going to pick up an air plant terrarium to use as my tree.  It's not appropriate for my hearth culture at all, but sometimes hearth culture needs to take a back seat to "something I can keep alive and wont' poison my cat." I might pick up another cedar branch to use if I feel the need (the cedars in my back yard had a couple of branches die over the fall/ winter, so I can harvest those).  And, the more cedar in my wool filled house the better.

Apparently, I decided this week was going to be the week I started my rune set.  Not sure that's actually going to happen, but I'll contemplate it.

Nature Awareness:

My awareness of nature right now comes down to "it's freaking cold.  Frozen got it's EGOT, Elsa, can you please end the endless winter now?"  And making chili and potato soup.  I'm essentially just hiding in my den, and, for the most part, feel no shame in that.

Per the Weather Channel, we're supposed to warm up to the mid-fifties by next weekend.  If that's true, I'll go tramp around in the woods Thursday afternoon.  I really want to go camping, but that's just not going to happen right now.

At any rate, I really need to get the initial write up from week 5 written.  

Holy Days:

I think I need to go re-work the initial Imbolc paragraph back in week 3.  I'm not sure it hits the word count and it's certainly incomplete.

Our spring equinox ritual is going to be Slavic.  I know nothing about slavic cultures other than what I learned in a history course 8 years ago and that didn't focus much on folklore, mythology, or even the pre-christian religion.  I do have a book of Russian folk tales. I should probably pull that out and skim through it just so I have something resembling a base.

May 1/ Beltane is the Norse ritual that I'm creating.  Assuming we're focusing on the fertility aspects and not the German ancestor aspects, GateKeeper will be Heimdall on the Bifrost, DoO will probably be Frey.  I'll have to poke around some more to find the appropriate Earth Mother, nothing is sticking out at me as I thumb through my books. I'm also probably overthinking the ritual itself and need to NOT reinvent the wheel.

Library:

Not really strictly part of my DP stuff, but is happening in conjunction with, and has mental health implications.  I've started the great book purge. I know Goodreads has a scan function to add books to your library.  I need to experiment with it to see if I can get it to tag every book I scan in at a session with "Book Purge" or something similar.  It's that or type everything into a spreadsheet on Google so folks can lay claim to anything they find interesting. None of this can go live until after the divorce is finalized of course.  And I'll probably run most of them through a book buyback to see if i can get any money for them before putting them up for grabs. But expect that to be coming shortly.  There's likely to be lots of art history and books on Martin Luther.

My goal is to clear enough space off my bookshelves that I can have one bookcase (one of the short ones) dedicated to Pagan Library stuff in my bedroom.  This will also give me some more space to spread my altar out if I feel the need.  Which I don't right now but *shrug*.  It'd be nice to have the option.

Meditation:

This is... not going as well as I would like.  I'm trying to average 5 times a week (gives me a couple days to be tired or busy without fretting about it), but I'm at best, averaging 2-3 times a week.  I'm contemplating just not moving my body clock with daylight saving's time next weekend, but I'm not sure how that will work. But I do need to come up with something.  

Unless I decide to bypass meditation and just do a daily devotion.  Which is a possibility.  I don't know.  It's something to think about at least.  The devotionals will also serve to get me more familiar with CoOR. Or maybe daily devotionals and meditation.  That might bridge the gap I'm feeling.  

I think I'll try doing either a devotional or meditation every day this week and next and see which one fits in with my life better.  I'll either pick one or continue doing both throughout the year.  This also means that it's less awkward to excuse myself for 30 minutes when I have company.  I can wait until they leave and even if I'm too tired to meditate, I can at least do a devotional.  Perhaps this is where I should start contemplating prayer beads.

Meditation, End of Week 1

If I was perfectly following the Wheel of the Year study program, I wouldn't be starting this until week 8. However, I am anticipating lots of trouble with this portion of the requirements, so I'm starting early.  I am doing a journal entry after each session, however, I'm only going to publish a weekly re-cap.  Less obnoxious for others to read, less exposing of my psyche.

This week could have gone better, but it also could have gone a lot worse. I feel like I only really accomplished the goal once- Wednesday.  The rest of the week was a struggle to stay focused on breathing and not the tens (if not hundreds) of other things that need to or could happen.

But all healthy things take practice.  And I'll get there.  I just need to actually do the practice.  I hit Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday this week, which isn't bad.  I should have done it yesterday, but by the time my movie was over, I knew I'd fall asleep if I sat still for 20 minutes with my eyes closed.

The 20 years of attempting to build a practice have paid off some what.  I don't have to really think about altering my breathing patterns to in-two-three-four and out-two-three-four anymore.  Years of using that as a way to calm myself down has ensured that.  But that isn't helping me focus solely on breath.

This next week is very busy, mostly with stuff for or with the grove.  Since I'm not organized enough to meditate in the morning before work, this is going to be a huge organizational struggle.  I'll either need to meditate over my lunch break or later int he evening so I run the risk of falling asleep.  I'll see what I can work out.  Tuesday, I have 3 hours between work and anime, so there's time to go to the library and find a quiet space there.  The more I think about it, the more the library seems like be my best option for busy weeknights and meditating away from home.  It's quiet and has silent study areas where no one bothers you.

Goals for Week 2 (Feb 2-8)

• meditate at least 3 days
• improve breathing focus.