Week 29: 5th High Holy Day Recap

Related to Requirement: #8 – High Days Attended
Required Reading: None.

I'm behind again. Need to write up an essay on Integrity and the meaning of the holiday, but I'm honestly more focused on actual practice right now. I also still need to start the modern paganism book, but there are just so many more interesting things to read.

But I'm going to do this while I'm coming off the ritual high and then go play outside.

• how did the rite go in terms of structure? What things went wrong during the ritual? What things went right? 

This was originally supposed to be a Hellenic group ritual. Then the folks who were supposed to be leading had to drop out due to scheduling problems and asked me to take over. So... Norse group ritual. And then neither of us actually had the energy to have ritual last night, so it became Norse solitary. Just a few changes.

I should have spent more time working out the changes from group to solitary ritual. There were wording problems (plural pronouns) and things that the Grove does that I don't in my personal practice. Given that I spent all of 30 minutes or so working on that transition, I don't know why this surprises me.

But because this was originally created for a group, it was fully ADF. So there's that. I had everything because, ya know, checklists. Most of the actual problems I had were caused by poor formatting on the print out, not failure to foresee something.

• Who were the patrons of the rite, and who was the gatekeeper?

 Gatekeeper: Heimdall
Earth Mother: Jord
Patron: Freyr
Outdwellers: Syn
Special Thanks: Eir

• Did you have problems with saying the words without stumbling, or did everything come out smoothly? Did you forget to bring a sacrifice? 

I had trouble remembering anything without the script, but everything came out smoothly as long as that was available. The only trouble I had with sacrifices was discovering I'm out of silver tokens for the well. So I had to come up with a different offering for the well (pearls) before I got started. But there wasn't any scrambling during the ritual.

• Were you alone, or with a group? If you were with a group, did you say anything or do anything? 

Yay being half-solitary and half-grove. 2nd time in a row I was solitary. But it wasn't as comfortable this time. Not sure if it's because of the time of day or the mental expectation for others to be around and there weren't.

• how did the rite go in terms of function and feeling? Did you feel anything during the ritual? Did you experience doubt or confidence? Can you describe what happened? 

This one was pretty straight forward. Come in, do the business, and leave. I felt a few glimmers of attachment during the Two Powers, but not much. I really do need to get better at that. I doubt my abilities as a liturgist. I doubt my suitability for this path. I doubt everything right now. But the only way I can get better is to push through and keep going. Fumbling for the script, managing to completely forget that August 1 is a holiday and maybe I should put thought into things a couple weeks before hand... not really confidence building. But it'll get better as the cycle of holidays becomes more ingrained in my psyche.

• What omens were drawn (if any), and what did they tell you? 

Nothing terribly helpful.

Ancestors:  sowilo. the sun. success, victory.

Nature Spirits:  Laguz. lake/leeks. go with the flow. still waters run deep. don't fight what isn't in your control.

Divine Ones:  elwaz. elk. communication and the dangers associated with it.

• Could you feel the presence of any deities, spirits, or powers? What else about the rite struck you, or do you want to share?

Mostly, I feel like I've had rites go worse, but normally, I also get an emotional link if I'm doing by myself. But hey, I got my cat blessed. Its a start.

Week 23: 4th High Holy Day Recap

Related to Requirement: #8 – High Days Attended
Required Reading: None.

• how did the rite go in terms of structure? What things went wrong during the ritual? What things went right? 

For whatever reason, we didn't have a grove ritual for the solstice. So I was writing my own ritual. I stuck with the basic core order of ritual that we normally use, and just adopted parts from other rituals that worked well or that I liked.

Nothing really went wrong, but I was planning on having the ritual outside. Then a thunderstorm came through, soaking the wood pile. And a second storm rolled through right at dusk when I was getting ready to start. So outside was a no go.

My altar is kinda small, which is why I was wanting to do the ritual outside: more space to hold offerings. Moving inside meant that I needed to suddenly clear a space near my altar to hold the sacrifices. Ended up just clearing off the top of my dresser and moving things to the altar in sets as they were needed. Stacking coffee cups work really well for holding sacrifices.

Overall, I'm really happy with how things turned out. I should have practiced more some of the pronunciations (Skidbladnir and Sessrumnir are both pretty hard to pronounce when you're trying to say them aloud for the first time). But the worst things that happened were some stuttered pronunciation and being inside instead of outside. There are so totally worse ways this could have gone.

• Who were the patrons of the rite, and who was the gatekeeper? 

Gatekeeper: Heimdall

Earth Mother: Jörd

Deity of the Occasion: Freyr and Freyja

• Did you have problems with saying the words without stumbling, or did everything come out smoothly? Did you forget to bring a sacrifice? 

I need to start practicing the kennings before ritual. Pronunciation always trips me up. There were parts where I couldn't find my cadence, but that's mostly just a practice thing I think. I remembered sacrifices for everyone (not always what I would have chosen, but the last minute change of location meant some things had to be swapped from  things to toss in a fire to things that can be added to a candle flame). Upon further reflection, I'm not sure a (cherry) tomato was the best offering to Freyr, however, it seemed right when I was doing my planning.

• Were you alone, or with a group? If you were with a group, did you say anything or do anything? How did the rite go in terms of function and feeling?

I was solitary for this rite. And actually, I liked it better. I need to work on my two powers meditation, but it's just a practice thing. Being able to move at my own pace, to slow down when I felt like it needed it, being able to re-affirm my connection with the powers mid-ritual when I slipped... it felt much more relaxing and worshipful than the group rituals do. 

• Did you feel anything during the ritual? Did you experience doubt or confidence? Can you describe what happened? 

I'm not sure that comfortable is the right word, but something with those connotations. I wrote it (or at least, assembled it. I need to go add citations to my record of ritual), I performed it, and there was very little outside of my control that I could control. Even the tripping and stuttering wasn't too bad and didn't shake the feeling that this was right. 

I actually felt connected to the Kindreds. I might even be feeling my way towards a relationship with Freyja. It wasn't anything that ecstatic trance or anything, but I felt like my words were being heard and acknowledged. The land spirits really liked the sacrifice of maple syrup, milk, and dark bread.  I'm pretty sure Syn appreciated the wine. 

Maybe I'm one of those folks who needs to be solitary by choice. Although I do like the volunteer work etc that is happening with the grove.

• What omens were drawn (if any), and what did they tell you? 

I used runes, as is my wont. Over all, the impression I got was if I put in the effort, I will be rewarded with good health.

Ancestors:  Uraz. The wild auroch/ ox. Good health, strength
Spirits:  Ingaz. The ingot. Potential. With work, something valuable.
Gods:  Ansuz. The spoken word.

• What else about the rite struck you, or do you want to share? 

I liked this so much better than group ritual. Even though I was completely exhausted when done, it was everything I wanted out of ritual. I need to do this more often.

Week 17: 3rd High Holy Day Recap

Related to Requirement: #8 – High Days Attended 

Required Reading: None. 

I obviously need to still do week 16, the essay about the holiday, however, this one is a lot easier to do at work.

• How did the rite go in terms of structure? What things went wrong during the ritual? What things went right? 

While writing the ritual, I kept to the Grove's basic outline of ritual. So everything required for an ADF ritual was present. I am a crappy liturgist. I didn't practice nearly enough, or even read some parts out loud while writing them, so the rhythm was stupid and awful. But for all that, things went ok. It wasn't the most elegant ritual we've done, but we also weren't struck by lightning or set on fire.

• Who were the patrons of the rite, and who was the gatekeeper? 

Earthmother: Jord

Gatekeeper: Heimdall

Patron: Freya

• Did you have problems with saying the words without stumbling, or did everything come out smoothly? Did you forget to bring a sacrifice? 

Most of the speaking problems would have been solved by me reading things aloud and fixing the rhythm before we started ritual. One of the good parts of the Marvel movies being so popular is that folks know how to pronounce most of the major Gods in the Norse pantheon. The only one we had trouble with was Jord and that's just due to Germanic vs Spanish pronunciations. 

I remembered all the sacrifices... but we failed to remember cups or other forms of holder for them. So the liquid offerings were all held in a number of different (inappropriate) containers: a dice set box; a reusable cup from my favorite bar, my faire mug that I only had because it was attached to my belt... There are worse problems to have, but it was pretty embarrassing. The grain just got left in its ziplock bag, the incense and strawberries hung out on the table.

• Were you alone, or with a group? If you were with a group, did you say anything or do anything? 

As woefully under-prepared as I was... I led. So I did most of the speaking. I need to get better at both public speaking (SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!) and blessing things. 

• How did the rite go in terms of function and feeling? 

I think we adequately expressed our excitement that spring is finally here and summer is within sighting distance? I don't feel like we insulted anyone (and I included an extra sacrifice in case we did). It did feel rushed and awkward. I'm not sure if that's because I wrote it (maybe everyone thinks ritual they've written feels awkward?) or if it really was awkward as all get out.

• Did you feel anything during the ritual? Could you feel the presence of any deities, spirits, or powers? Did you experience doubt or confidence? Can you describe what happened? 

Group ritual is about the worst way for me to feel connected to anything. I can get through the Two Powers meditation, feel nice and connected... and then that disappears over the course of the ritual. Part of that is I'm spending as much time anticipating what needs to happen next as I do on the actual ritual. This time, the wind was a serious hindrance, kept blowing the ritual/ script around. I actually felt more connected as I was writing it than while I was performing it.

I try to do a second rite by myself within a couple of days of the holiday in an effort to actually feel connected to something, but there was just no chance of that happening this time. Last week was just too busy.

• If you were with a group, what did the other people say about what happened? 

No one said anything. Which my brain interprets as a sign that I failed miserably. But the folks who were there also don't generally discuss the ritual in specific terms afterwards. The 3 of us who are working on our DP do that... but the other two weren't there.

• What omens were drawn (if any), and what did they tell you?  

Ancestors:  Wunjo. The ancestors bring us joy and love.

Spirits:  Thuraz. The spirits bring us both the thorn in the path and the beauty of the rose. The thorn is both hazard to caution and protection against forces that wish us harm.

Deities:  Othala. The Gods bring us our inheritance and the joy of it. We are linked to our past and our future

• What else about the rite struck you, or do you want to share?

I did a shite job at organizing this. I should have practiced more and let other people know what assistance I needed from them. It wasn't a disaster, but it felt like one.

Week 14: Home Shrine Revisited

Tracking changes to my Altar/ shrine over the past 7 weeks.

Here's what it looked like in March:

February 25, 2014

Doesn't really look like much.  There's no cup for me to drink out of, while it's very uncluttered, it also doesn't really look personal.

After a couple of weeks of use, I added a cup and some other things to make devotionals a bit easier:

March 24, 2014

I switched things around to make it harder for Luna to try to set herself on fire, added candles (I didn't think there was enough light during full rituals), started sticking my incense sticks into the sand that holds my tree/pole. Replaced the citrine with quartz for clarity of thought, straightened out the strand of amethyst. The shallow bowl was originally there to hold any offerings, but it got moved to my travel kit. This is better than the original layout, but I'm still not happy with it.

I snapped this photo this morning:

April 29, 2014

It doesn't matter which side the flame is on, Luna still tries to set herself on fire. I removed the candles again because as much as I like having the extra light during full rituals, most of the time, I also need more space for those (In that case, the things I need get moved to either the coffee table in the living room or outside, depending on what I need). The candle that is currently on there is only there because my lamp ran out of oil over the weekend and I've not had the time to re-fill it. I've added 3 stone and pewter frogs as well, mostly because I like frogs. and they do make the entire thing look more like something I put together. I need to come up with a storage method for my rune staves (the popsicle sticks) rather than just being piled together. The tree/pole hasn't been shortened, I just framed the photo strangely.

I want to add a shelf above this to hold things like a box of keepsakes for the ancestors, maybe a deity image, seasonal flowers, and to hang some chimes from. I also want to re-finish the inside of the bowl. It's just stained, without any sealant, so if I forget to empty it in the morning after my devotional, the stain leeches out of the bowl and into the water. Eventually, there will also be a hook to hold my ritual beads. Once I make them (which needs to be this week). I'm still contemplating a plant for a tree/pole instead of a stripped branch, but at this point, I'm willing to just let things be.

As you can tell by the lighter and separated stave, I'm definitely using the altar as I have it set up. Most of the changes I want to make are cosmetic. I'll be changing the altar cloth Thursday if I have the energy, this coming weekend if not. I had a plan for a shelf, however, after scratching myself on a (rusty) nail trying to get the reclaimed wood I was going to use, that plan got scrapped in favor of not giving myself tetanus. I might try again on the next rainy day I have free, but not this week. I had to take down an entire fence, so I might as well make use of the wood before taking it to a mulching drop off.

Week 13: Nine Virtues: Wisdom

Related to Requirement: #1 – Nine Virtues
Required Reading:

• Our Own Druidry, p. 15 (Virtue, Piety and Study); 
• Our Own Druidry, 85-90 (Lore and Essays) 

Suggested Reading:

• A Virtuous Life Nine Virtues study guide

But first, recap of last week since I didn't get anything up.

Some how I got ahead of the group, so I had a bye week last week. I used the time to create a set of rune staves and to spend lots of time outside (to the dismay of my sunburnt ears and nose). I also finally got the Beltane ritual written.

I'm really happy with how the rune staves turned out, even if this is just meant to be a temporary set until I can get better wood working skills. Also, I probably shouldn't have started them just before lunch as I was starving by the end since it took a good 2 hours. I'm not sure how true they read, but since I'm really bad at interpretation anyway, I think it'll probably be ok. I have switched from iPod divination to drawing a rune instead during my devotional. Its practice and that is needed.

Mom requested a new retaining wall and a trip to the zoo for her birthday. So I spent most of Friday and Saturday outside, working and walking. Walnuts hurt to have jammed into your knees and penguins and polar bears are pretty cool (pun not intended). Sunday was spent inside helping Grandma around the house, which was not really how I wanted to spend it... but it needed to be done and I was the one available. And it wasn't too bad this time: just moving heavy stuff she can't manage and some computer stuff.

Writing the ritual was more of a thing than I was expecting it to be. I'm not sure if I was just blocked or if I'm a horrible litergist. Or both. At any rate, after combing through... several... books, every non-shitty website I could find, and a couple shitty websites that at least weren't racist, I finally got enough information to write this. I really need to find reliable sources of information. I have more research and information on exactly how the pleating was done on viking apron dresses than I have on what the appropriate deities are for different holidays. I'm going to publish at least the parts of it that I wrote after Beltane so other folks have a bit of an easier time. At any rate, ritual is written and sent off for editing.